Let Me Tell You Something About the Love of God

You know, I've been thinking very hard about what to write today. I knew I was going to write something when I woke up this morning, but I never expected the thing that happened today. I woke up pretty late, around 10 and got up and took a shower because when I take a shower, I immediately feel ready for the day and ready to go do something. If I don't, I'll get back into bed and do nothing. But I did shower this morning so I felt the need to go out and do something. I knew I needed to go to the hospital near me that my agent told me about to see if they had the insulin I needed.

So I drove over there and played diabetes-insulin charades with the medical staff at the Fort Thanarat Hospital (associated with the Thanarat Camp Infantryman Center). They took my blood pressure and stuck a thermometer in my armpit. I've never had that done before. They asked me how long I'd had diabetes and how many units of which insulin I take. I told them and asked if they had that particular insulin. To my great surprise and even greater comfort, they did have it! I asked for a month supply and it cost me about the same as a one and a half week supply at Bangkok Hospital in Hua Hin. One thing about Thailand is they love their plastic bags. They put the insulin in a plastic bag. They put that bag in another bag filled with ice packs. They put that bag in another bag and tied it up real tight. Then they put that bag in another bag and gave it all to me. It took me about 5 minutes to get the insulin out of the bag contraption.

Satisfied with my purchase, I obviously returned home to get the insulin out of the bags and into my fridge. By then it was lunch time so I thought I'd check out what this week's Sunday market had to offer. The great thing about Sunday market is that it opens much earlier than the regular week market and there's a ton more stuff. But the greatest part is sometimes I see some of my students there with their families. And it's always fun to see the surprised or horrified look on their faces when they see Teacher Ben wandering around Sunday market. Now during the regular week market, I always go straight to my noodle lady. She always knows I'm coming and always has my four things of noodles ready for me to buy. Only 20 baht for four things! So obviously this is what I was looking for at Sunday market. I searched that whole market, looking for a face instead of a food item, and couldn't find her! I saw one of my favorite students, but he didn't see me, and I didn't want to embarrass him so I didn't say anything. After spending a good 30 minutes wandering around, I gave up and decided to check the site of the regular market.

This market is a short distance from my house, but not as close as Sunday market. There were a few vendors there, but no noodle lady. Having given up hope, I went to the Dunkin' Donuts in the Tesco down the road to lift my spirits. Donuts are good, but not as amazing as noodles. Feeling defeated, i decided to return home, and that's when it happened.

The road home is about two miles long and very thin. Cars are always taking up all the space, which gets really annoying. There are no intersections, only turns. I was passing a line of cars waiting for the car in front to turn (I only know this because of what happens later). Other cars were coming out of the side road onto the main road, so it was waiting for them. The car's blinker was not on so I assumed it was waiting to go straight. I was wrong. Right as I began to pass it, it began to turn. It turned right into me and my motorbike slid and fell on its right side. Shock ensued, making my injuries seem fine. I got up and moved the bike to the side of the road. A bunch of coins had fallen out of my cup holder and someone's mirror had shattered. After getting to the side of the road, I gathered my wits and stupidly surveyed my injuries. Blood was everywhere. Running down my right leg and running down my right arm. I couldn't really see what had happened to me because of all the blood, which I guess was a good thing at the moment. The driver of the car that hit me and her friend came over to see if I was ok.

Like I always say when I get in an accident, I told them I was so sorry and that I was fine. They were smarter than that. In their choppy English they said I was not fine and that I needed to go to the hospital. I insisted that I was fine and that I did NOT need to go to the hospital. But their insistence on my going to the hospital paired with my pain starting to ease into existence convinced me otherwise. The pain started to get a lot worse. My leg and arm were both shaking. They led me to their little blue coop and helped me into the back seat. I tried really hard not to get blood on anything. On our way to the hospital, they were talking back and forth in Thai, and I couldn't understand. So I placed myself in the conversation and asked them their names. I only remember Rai, the driver. They asked the usual questions, where I worked, how old I was, whether I was single or not.

After arriving at the hospital, the pain started to get much worse. They led me to a bed in the emergency room while speaking 1000mph in Thai to the doctors. As I was laying on the gurney, it occurred to me to call the only person who would care about this, my agent Noon. After calling many times and getting no answer, I gave up. One of the women stood next to me and held my hand while they cleaned my wounds and then...alcohol. Hydrogen peroxide is not a thing here, they just use alcohol. That hurt like a mother.What's her name squeezed my hand and I did the same. Once for my foot, once for my knee, once for my forearm, and once for my elbow. That part hurt more than the actual accident. They tried to get me to fill out an information form, but the pain was so bad I couldn't even think much less write my information. I remembered I had my special Hospital card from earlier that day. They always make one for you on your first hospital visit. I gave it to the doctors so they could somehow get my information.

After they got me all wrapped up, the two ladies helped me off the bed and into a wheelchair. They asked me where I lived and I did my best to explain to them. I told them I would show them. As I was being wheeled out, I saw the doctor give one of the women a piece of paper and some change. She had just paid for whatever the doctors did to me AND whatever medication they had just prescribed to me. I didn't understand this brand of kindness.

They helped me into the car and we went back to get the motorbike. One of the ladies drive it behind us as I showed them where I lived. I got out and my amazing land lady saw me all wrapped up and ran out to see what had happened and if I was alright. The two ladies explained what happened as they gave me my medication and exchanged phone numbers with me. They told me they would call tomorrow to see if I was ok. I thanked them profusely and waied the way you wai the royal family.

I limped up to my room still confused, and viciously pondering the course of events that had just happened. I fell on my bed and began to cry. I had been holding it in since the accident, but it wasn't all out of pain, it was because I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that it was all God. The crying moved to weeping as I recalled all the times I turned my back on Him. I do it every day. Every day there's some decision I make that I know is wrong. Every day I openly mock God with my actions and thoughts, but He always forgives me. This kind of love is incomprehensible. If I can't even understand the love He has shown me by using these two women to take care of me today, how could I possible begin to fathom the love He has shown by sending Jesus to die on the cross for my sins?

What kind of love works beyond all sin? What kind of love forgives rotten, ugly, selfish sinners like me? What kind of love watches over me every second of every day? What kind of love provides for me endlessly without me even asking? I'll tell you! It's the kind of love that gets you through every day. It's the kind of love that supports you. It's the kind of love that lets you be free. It's unconditional love. It's the love of the Creator. It's the love of our Heavenly Father. It's the love of God.

You'd think I would be done by now, but I'm not. It's been amazing how God has revealed Himself to me while I've been in Thailand. This part of my life is obviously not about me, it's about Him. I came here to be a teacher, but I am learning more here than I ever would have thought. This isn't about a career, it's about learning about myself. Life is never about our glory; it's always about God's glory. So stop wasting your time trying to further your kingdom, because I can tell you from experience, that never works. Instead focus on furthering God's kingdom, because that's literally all that matters. I am almost positive you were not put on earth to be a CEO, or a perfect socialite mother, or a "cool parent" or everyone's favorite teacher. We were placed on this earth to bring God glory and to be disciples for His Kingdom. Remind yourself of that every day, because that's what I have to do. Choose THIS DAY whom you will serve.