I knew I wanted to write this post the second day we were in Bali this week. As you probably know, I'm an au pair primarily for a 7 year old Chinese boy named Jonathan, and the family (Joanna, Jonathan, Matthew, all 4 grandparents, and I) took a little vacation in Bali for a few days this past weekend and the better part of this week. Travel was gruesome, but everything was much easier when we arrived. And even though it was a "vacation," I've learned to reflect back on every trip and figure out what I've learned in that particular experience. This trip taught me something I think, as Christians, we know deep in our hearts, but we often burry it down there and forget to remember it.
Jonathan isn't bipolar in the medical sense, but he does go back and forth on whether he "likes" me or not. I am usually liked when he has what he wants and is in a good mood. But if he's just woken up or I ask him to follow a rule, his response is literally, "I don't like you!" My responses range from, "I don't believe you" to "Well, I still like you." Anyways, on this trip there were a larger number of disliking moments than liking ones, and he seemed angrier than usual. Like I've said before, I don't like not knowing. So when he would tell me he didn't like me in the morning after I'd only seen him for maybe 2 minutes, I would always ask why so I could maybe change what I was doing so I wouldn't displease him so much so soon. I never got a response so I just moved on.
But after a while, I started paying attention a little more closely. We were also travelling Joanna's college friend and her husband and their daughter. I noticed that Jonathan was playing father-son with this guy and that's when it hit me. Jonathan isn't angry with me because I'm doing something wrong, he's angry because I'm not his dad. Max, Jonathan's dad and an extremely hard worker, travels almost constantly for work and is rarely home. So it all began to make sense to me. And although now I knew why Jonathan was acting this way, I didn't feel better because I knew.
The more I thought about it, the more sorry I felt for these two young boys who earnestly wanted a father figure. Then I reflected on my own life and how, despite my own father's many good qualities, he was in no way the father I needed. I thought of the many times I yearned for a perfect father, but I already had one. God is our perfect father. Just like what Paul says in 1 Corinthians about love, so is our heavenly father. God is patient and kind; God does not envy or boast; God is not arrogant or rude. God does not insist on his own way; God is not irritable or resentful; God does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. God bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. God never ends.
I love Todd Erickson. He is wise, diligent, brave, reliable, and caring, among other things. But he is not perfect. He is not the father the deepest parts of my soul long for. And just as we have our respective idols in our lives, I believe we have our 'fathers' as well. We have things we look up to for guidance and wisdom, approval and love. But these fathers cannot possibly live up to our true Father, and I know I often forget that.
One of my favorite lines of the Batman series is when Gordon says Batman isn't the hero Gotham needs, but he's the one it deserves. In the case of God our Father, it's the other way around. God is not the father we deserve, but He's the father we need. So my challenge to you this time is to look for wisdom, guidance, approval, and love from your true and perfect Father, instead of your worldly 'fathers.' And remember that whatever the situation, His very being is love and grace, and that is sufficient for you.
Friday, July 31, 2015
Thursday, July 16, 2015
Don't Forget Who Put You Here
I've been reflecting over my time in Asia lately and while it's been an interesting and exciting journey, the vast number of different struggles is what makes the last 9 months an experience.
When I was in Thailand with very little money, it was easy to rely on God because it was the only way. Everything I had was precious, down to the last penny. Well, whatever version of the penny I was using. Anything extra was always saved and luxury could not and would not be afforded. Things were tight. The tightest of them being my Savior and me. We were like best friends, always talking and spending time together. God was my luxury. He always made me feel safe and protected when I thought I needed it, and even when I didn't think I needed it. Look at all the posts from before April and you'll see. God gives great unsolicited help. That's part of what makes him not just God, but a good God.
My Chinese family and I were watching "Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe" last week. One of my favorite lines from the movie is at the end when Lucy is talking to Tumnus and she asked if Aslan was tame. Tumnus said, "No, but he's good." Disappointingly, that's not how the book worded it. The book uses the word "safe." And I like that much better. God is not safe. He is powerful to the most extreme. Don't you know what should have happened to us had it not been for Jesus' sacrifice? In the book, Edmund is suppose to die on the stone table, but Aslan takes his place. Even watching it in the movie made me tear up a little because I, like Edmund, know what my sins are. And what's even harder and more embarrassing is that God knows what my sins are, but he loved my enough to put himself in that awful spot to save me, to save us.
Speaking of being in China, it's almost 100% the complete opposite of living in Thailand. Everything is expendable, we throw money at every problem. We have so much extra and everything is luxurious. If it's a luxury and we don't have it, we get it. We have so much that we don't need. I am part of the staff for a family of 4 that includes me, the au pair, Lee and Mr. Jiang, the drivers, and Ayi, the housekeeper. So there is literally a staff member for every member of the family. Pretty good ratio right? Wonna know what's interesting? My family has less money and we're more happy. You'd think that people would have figured that out by now. Money does not equal happiness.
In this life of luxury where I have more than I ever imagined, I've forgotten who put me here. Spoiler alert: it's that same guy who took care of me in Thailand. Only now, I often feel like I don't need Him anymore. It's not a conscious thought, but it's like ignoring a friend. We never spend time together or talk much anymore. I told my dad, someone more theologically advanced than me should write a book on how to live a God-filled life in a money-filled home. The only problem with that is that most people in a money-filled home would not want to read a book about why they're doing it wrong. Not that all wealthy people are doing it wrong--you know what I mean.
Something I try to remind myself is, one, God put me here, I didn't get here on my own. And two, God put me in this for a reason. It's not a secret reason; He put me here to glorify Him. It really is that simple. God is great at organization and He's put us all in different places and situations that best fit out gifts and abilities so we can do our best to glorify Him. MUCH easier said than done. But God listens to the prayers of those who have a lot just as much as he listens to those that have nothing.
So remember, reader, that whatever situation God has placed you, you only have one goal. So do it well.
When I was in Thailand with very little money, it was easy to rely on God because it was the only way. Everything I had was precious, down to the last penny. Well, whatever version of the penny I was using. Anything extra was always saved and luxury could not and would not be afforded. Things were tight. The tightest of them being my Savior and me. We were like best friends, always talking and spending time together. God was my luxury. He always made me feel safe and protected when I thought I needed it, and even when I didn't think I needed it. Look at all the posts from before April and you'll see. God gives great unsolicited help. That's part of what makes him not just God, but a good God.
My Chinese family and I were watching "Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe" last week. One of my favorite lines from the movie is at the end when Lucy is talking to Tumnus and she asked if Aslan was tame. Tumnus said, "No, but he's good." Disappointingly, that's not how the book worded it. The book uses the word "safe." And I like that much better. God is not safe. He is powerful to the most extreme. Don't you know what should have happened to us had it not been for Jesus' sacrifice? In the book, Edmund is suppose to die on the stone table, but Aslan takes his place. Even watching it in the movie made me tear up a little because I, like Edmund, know what my sins are. And what's even harder and more embarrassing is that God knows what my sins are, but he loved my enough to put himself in that awful spot to save me, to save us.
Speaking of being in China, it's almost 100% the complete opposite of living in Thailand. Everything is expendable, we throw money at every problem. We have so much extra and everything is luxurious. If it's a luxury and we don't have it, we get it. We have so much that we don't need. I am part of the staff for a family of 4 that includes me, the au pair, Lee and Mr. Jiang, the drivers, and Ayi, the housekeeper. So there is literally a staff member for every member of the family. Pretty good ratio right? Wonna know what's interesting? My family has less money and we're more happy. You'd think that people would have figured that out by now. Money does not equal happiness.
In this life of luxury where I have more than I ever imagined, I've forgotten who put me here. Spoiler alert: it's that same guy who took care of me in Thailand. Only now, I often feel like I don't need Him anymore. It's not a conscious thought, but it's like ignoring a friend. We never spend time together or talk much anymore. I told my dad, someone more theologically advanced than me should write a book on how to live a God-filled life in a money-filled home. The only problem with that is that most people in a money-filled home would not want to read a book about why they're doing it wrong. Not that all wealthy people are doing it wrong--you know what I mean.
Something I try to remind myself is, one, God put me here, I didn't get here on my own. And two, God put me in this for a reason. It's not a secret reason; He put me here to glorify Him. It really is that simple. God is great at organization and He's put us all in different places and situations that best fit out gifts and abilities so we can do our best to glorify Him. MUCH easier said than done. But God listens to the prayers of those who have a lot just as much as he listens to those that have nothing.
So remember, reader, that whatever situation God has placed you, you only have one goal. So do it well.
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