Dad?

I knew I wanted to write this post the second day we were in Bali this week. As you probably know, I'm an au pair primarily for a 7 year old Chinese boy named Jonathan, and the family (Joanna, Jonathan, Matthew, all 4 grandparents, and I) took a little vacation in Bali for a few days this past weekend and the better part of this week. Travel was gruesome, but everything was much easier when we arrived. And even though it was a "vacation," I've learned to reflect back on every trip and figure out what I've learned in that particular experience. This trip taught me something I think, as Christians, we know deep in our hearts, but we often burry it down there and forget to remember it.

Jonathan isn't bipolar in the medical sense, but he does go back and forth on whether he "likes" me or not. I am usually liked when he has what he wants and is in a good mood. But if he's just woken up or I ask him to follow a rule, his response is literally, "I don't like you!" My responses range from, "I don't believe you" to "Well, I still like you." Anyways, on this trip there were a larger number of disliking moments than liking ones, and he seemed angrier than usual. Like I've said before, I don't like not knowing. So when he would tell me he didn't like me in the morning after I'd only seen him for maybe 2 minutes, I would always ask why so I could maybe change what I was doing so I wouldn't displease him so much so soon. I never got a response so I just moved on.

But after a while, I started paying attention a little more closely. We were also travelling Joanna's college friend and her husband and their daughter. I noticed that Jonathan was playing father-son with this guy and that's when it hit me. Jonathan isn't angry with me because I'm doing something wrong, he's angry because I'm not his dad. Max, Jonathan's dad and an extremely hard worker, travels almost constantly for work and is rarely home. So it all began to make sense to me. And although now I knew why Jonathan was acting this way, I didn't feel better because I knew.

The more I thought about it, the more sorry I felt for these two young boys who earnestly wanted a father figure. Then I reflected on my own life and how, despite my own father's many good qualities, he was in no way the father I needed. I thought of the many times I yearned for a perfect father, but I already had one. God is our perfect father. Just like what Paul says in 1 Corinthians about love, so is our heavenly father. God is patient and kind; God does not envy or boast; God is not arrogant or rude. God does not insist on his own way; God is not irritable or resentful; God does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. God bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. God never ends.

I love Todd Erickson. He is wise, diligent, brave, reliable, and caring, among other things. But he is not perfect. He is not the father the deepest parts of my soul long for. And just as we have our respective idols in our lives, I believe we have our 'fathers' as well. We have things we look up to for guidance and wisdom, approval and love. But these fathers cannot possibly live up to our true Father, and I know I often forget that.

One of my favorite lines of the Batman series is when Gordon says Batman isn't the hero Gotham needs, but he's the one it deserves. In the case of God our Father, it's the other way around. God is not the father we deserve, but He's the father we need. So my challenge to you this time is to look for wisdom, guidance, approval, and love from your true and perfect Father, instead of your worldly 'fathers.' And remember that whatever the situation, His very being is love and grace, and that is sufficient for you.