Dear Single Person

I've been thinking a lot about Jesus' mission this week, obviously because Easter is tomorrow. I've also been thinking a lot about how I'm getting older. One of my Cambodia friends turned 30 something this week and he's single. When I realized that, I remembered that all my grandparents AND my parents were all married by the time they were my age. In fact, they were probably closer to my brother's age when they got married. So for the briefest second, I felt unaccomplished. I mean I'm not even in a serious relationship right now. I haven't been in one for over 5 years! That made me feel more unaccomplished.

But then I started to think about my mission. Jesus' mission started when he was 30 and lasted for only 3 years. And when his mission was finished, God took him back home. His mission didn't include a wife. Neither did Paul's. That made me feel a little better. Over the past couple of years, I've come to the conclusion that I'm mostly ok with my singleness. God is in control of my life and if I don't have a partner right now, that must be part of the plan. So I'm ok with that. Plus being single has a lot of perks! I don't have to pay for dates and gifts and stuff, which is good because I really love buying things for people. It's something I've had to stop doing ever since I had to start providing for myself here in Asia. And I think that it's nice that I only have to worry about myself.

But sometimes I do something dangerous; I think about the future. When I finally understood marriage years ago, I dreamed of having a wife so that I would have someone to share this amazing journey with. Sure, single people are more wealthy, but they don't have that special person. And that's ok! I know some people who's mission hasn't included a spouse and they're doing great! I guess this post is turning into me reassuring myself that it's ok to be single. That's what all of the single people say probably. At the meetings we raise our right hands and say, "it's ok to be single!"

One of my favorite sermons was last year's Christian Life Conference when Barton Kimbro spoke about singleness. But I still struggle to be ok with it. When I look at the big picture I literally and truly am ok with it. But when I think about myself this time next year, I ponder in dismay about whether it will be another single year. Single year number 6! All my friends back home are getting married. One guy I knew from college who's Zach's age is having a baby! Don't even get me started on that!

In preparation for this single post, I gathered the 4 most important books in my life, the Bible (duh) and my three journals I've been writing in since 2002. They all have very important things to say about being single. Journal 1 (2002-2011) has stories about PDS and Lizzy Willson babysitting and riding to the Edge with Megan Warner. It's also full of stories of my ex girlfriends. It reminds me of all the good relationship lessons I've learned over the years.

Journal 2 (2011-2014) is much more comprehensive. There were 0 relationships during that time. Good thing too, because those were some of the hardest years of my life. Girlfriends would have only complicated things. You might say it's a how-to book on what not to do in your early 20s. By the time you get to Journal 3 (2014-current), its like you're reading the life of a whole new person! Calm, collected, and mature.

In 1 Corinthians, Paul says to stay single! Not typically the words single people want to hear from the Bible. He says that getting married causes you to become anxious about worldly things. He even says that he who marries does well, but he who refrains from marriage will do even better. What the heck!? Don't the single people wish Sandy would preach on that more often? This is what I think Paul means by what seems like crazy talk in the eyes of the singles. First, let's look at similarities.

• Is being married good? Apparently; I can't speak from experience.
• Is being single good? Yes!
• Does God have missions for people that include a spouse? Yes.
• Does God have missions for people that include them staying single forever? Yes.
• Do married people have many struggles? Absolutely!
• Do single people have many struggles? Of course!

But what Paul is saying here is that as a single, you can devote your full attention to pleasing God. You can stay out all night preaching and get thrown in jail like Paul did on more than one occasion. But if he had a wife, man would she be upset with him if he kept getting arrested for preaching all the time! His attention would have to be divided between pleasing his wife and pleasing God. Of course, it's absolutely not wrong to please both, but you see, singles are have much more flexibility in their missions than couples. We have a unique opportunity to devote all of ourselves to our mission! So be excited about that! There are ways we can make a difference that couples cannot!

It's a weird subject, singleness as opposed to being married. We're not used to the Bible telling us that one thing is great and the other is ok, if you want to. So this is how I try to think about it after I think too hard about it: don't focus on finding a spouse. Focus on your singleness. Because if God's plan for you includes a partner, he will provide him or her! And let me tell you, God can find a MUCH better person for you than you can. I have more friends than I can count that spend so much of their time looking for the one. But what if you spend all your life looking and never find them? What a significant waste of time that is!

Here's my metaphor. Pretend you want to read this book. Many of your friends have read it. Some of your friends are about to read it. You don't have it, but you want to get it very badly. Only one book store has this book, and they choose who gets this book and who doesn't. No one asks for the book, it's just given out. And all of this is common knowledge. Regardless, you spend a whole year doing nothing but try to get your hands on this book. But its pointless because of everything I just told you. Why would you waste a whole year trying to get something that's out of your control? That just seems stupid!

What if, instead, you just lived your life like you normally would for that year? Then the next year, suddenly, you were chosen to receive the book! That's fantastic! And guess what? You didn't have to spend any time looking for it or waiting for it! That's how I think we as Christians should approach marriage from a single standpoint. It's not something we need, but if we get it, that's great! And even if we never get it, that's still just as great, because either way, we are fulfilling God's purpose for us on earth. Just like my favorite verse Psalm 138:8 says, "the LORD will fulfill his purpose for me." Whether it's as 1, or as 2.