Hello Reader! I wanted to take this opportunity to tell you what it's like to be a teacher in Thailand at the end of the school year.
Earlier this week, My 5-6 grade supervisor, Pui,told me that I needed to give my final exams next week. This came as a total shock and surprise because I was under the impression that I had until the second to last week of March to accomplish this. Apparently not. Every semester, I am required to have any number of grades that equals 50 points. Since my predecessor did the first semester, I only need 50 points worth of work from each of my students in 4th through 6th grade. So this week was all about final grades that weren't the final exam, but also trying to explain to my students that their final exam would be next week. I cheated and used Google translator on my laptop to tell them this.
There's no worksheets provided for me, so I just made up some exercises for my students to do for a grade this week. Now its very interesting how the turning in works. In the United States, students who do the best usually turn their work in last, but in Thailand, its the other way around. The students who actually know what they're doing turn their work in first, and the kids turn in their work last. On the plus side, this means I grade the smarter students last and it restores my faith in my students that they actually understand what we're doing.
In 4th grade, their worksheet was a series of subjects paired with actions, like "she/go shopping." The object is to write a sentence in the future, using the phrase "going to," while also correctly using subject-verb agreement. So the answer would be, "She is going to go shopping." So easy!! The smarter students get this almost instantly and turn their papers in within 10. The more distracted students take longer, but eventually turn their work in. The slower, but motivated students turn their work in about 30 minutes later. And the stupid ones turn their work in last or not at all. Half of these students have only copied, "she/go shopping,"and the other prompts without the answer. EVEN THOUGH I have explained this at least three times in front of the class AND their smart Thai friends have explained it to them in Thai. I literally don't know what to do with them. They obviously know they don't understand, but they don't come ask me or their friends to explain it. Sometimes I cringe when I write their 1/10 score on my grade sheet because I like them so much and I want them to do well, or I grin maniacally as I write their 1/10 because they deserve it because they never pay attention in class!
5th and 6th grades are a little bit better. And I mean it when I saw a little bit. Maybe two or three more students get a decent grade because only a few more of them who pay attention compared to the 4th graders. But still, there are those geniuses who think its more important to get silly puddy all over their hands than to do their work. Whenever I catch a student doing this, which is literally every class, I walk up to their desk and hold out my hand. By this time they have placed it in their desk and play stupid acting like they have no idea what I'm asking for. I stand there waiting for them to put it in my hands. and when they do, I, making sure everyone can see, throw it out the window, where it hopefully lands in some grassy dirt, meaning it can never be used again.
This week has been chocked full of trying my best to take up papers and grading them and then inputting them into my grade book that I have to turn in at the end of next week. I even enlisted some of my 6th grade students to help me grade and sort most of my papers for extra credit. I was hoping that someone my less smart students would opt in, but, alas, only the smart ones thought they needed extra credit. I was given 50 points for this semester, so I divided them into two tests worth 10 points and the final exam worth 30 points. Even though sometimes its very hard, I have to award some students with 0 points.
Unfortunately, or fortunately, the way the Thai school system works, when a student fails the midterm or final, they have one more chance to take it. If this second chance results in less than a 50/100, they automatically get half credit and therefore move on to the next grade, regardless of motivation or conviction. This is how kids move from grade to grade, and end up in my classes forevermore. They all end up graduating and either moving to esteemed universities across Thailand or to their father's vendor cart. As a teacher, I can always tell which ones will go on to be street vendors, and which ones will go on to be doctors and lawyers. Each job is respectable, but earn very different salaries. I just hope they realize at this young age which one they would be happier with.
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Mother's Day Comes Twice a Year
So before you read this, you should know that I wrote this on February 7th, but because the internet at my apartment goes in and out, it's almost impossible to get a post out. But after working with my land lady on her modem, we (meaning I) figured out a way to make it work.
Today is my Mom's birthday. It's rather fitting that February is the month of love considering Valentine's Day is just around the corner. It's also rather fitting that my Mom's maiden name is love. When I think about Valentine's day this year, I, like many of you, think about all the people I love. That's a lot of very close commas! I love a fair amount of people, but the person I love most in the world is my mother. Looking back, I recall the strongest feelings of love towards her, times like my first year of college, my hardest days at work, and especially being here in Thailand. If someone were to ask me something like, "if you had to save one person from blah blah blah destruction, who would it be?" The answer to every single question of that type would be my mom.
Whenever I imagine my family coming here to Thailand, one of the first things I think of is all of them riding a motorbike. Who would ride with whom and who would drive and stuff like that. At first, I imagined mom riding with dad. But I don't know how skilled my dad would be on a motorbike, so I came to the conclusion that she would ride with me. Because I would die if anything ever happened to her, especially on the dangerous roads of Thailand. I couldn't even imagine what I would do if she were in an accident like mine. Whenever I get really sad during a movie, my mind immediately runs to how much I love my mom. Now you might say that makes me a mamma's boy, and you're right. I absolutely, unequivocally, unconditionally love my mom.
She's my biggest cheer leader. It's quite an extraordinary thing how the words of the person you love most in the world can affect you. While her criticisms cut me down the most, her encouragements lift me higher than the clouds. Thankfully she mostly gives encouragement. =] I remember when I was little and Dad would tickle Mom and she would always scream. Not a bad scream, a laughing scream. But every time it would make me cry because I didn't like my mom in any position of pain. Even today, I really hate when my mom is unhappy. One time in college, one of my roommates had a disagreement with me. He told his mom and his mom told my mom. I was furious! My mom doesn't need that kind of drama! The same thing happened last year when I left Mammoth Lakes; the man I was staying with involved my dad and my mom! That time I was livid. I wanted to march over to his house and punch him square in the face just because he had involved my mother. The moral of this story is don't mess with my mom or you'll have to mess with me. I like how it worked out that she has taken such good care of me since I made her a mother, because now I get to transition into taking care of her.
I used to go through the list of my friends' moms to see if I would ever want to trade them for my mom. Every time I liked the idea of my mom over everyone else's mom. I did that because every time I told her she was my favorite mom, I was telling the absolute truth. I love my mom so extremely much and I'm so blessed to have Lynn Love Erickson as my mother. I miss her so much, but I know she's always praying for me and thinking about me. One of my favorite memories of her is during high school; I was going through some pretty rough stuff, mainly un-diagnosed depression. Almost every morning, I would walk down the stairs to get ready in the morning and there would be a little note on the last stair. I would open it and find a little encouraging note paired with a Bible verse, or a clipping from her morning devotion. Even if I was in a hurry and just glanced at it, or had time to sit down and soak it all in, I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that I was loved by my mom. And still today, I have never known a day where my mom didn't love me. And I hope she knows that not a day goes by when I don't think about that and how much I love her.
Happy birthday, Mom! The people I show your picture to honestly think you're in your 30's. You are absolutely my favorite mom =] Love, Ben
Today is my Mom's birthday. It's rather fitting that February is the month of love considering Valentine's Day is just around the corner. It's also rather fitting that my Mom's maiden name is love. When I think about Valentine's day this year, I, like many of you, think about all the people I love. That's a lot of very close commas! I love a fair amount of people, but the person I love most in the world is my mother. Looking back, I recall the strongest feelings of love towards her, times like my first year of college, my hardest days at work, and especially being here in Thailand. If someone were to ask me something like, "if you had to save one person from blah blah blah destruction, who would it be?" The answer to every single question of that type would be my mom.
Whenever I imagine my family coming here to Thailand, one of the first things I think of is all of them riding a motorbike. Who would ride with whom and who would drive and stuff like that. At first, I imagined mom riding with dad. But I don't know how skilled my dad would be on a motorbike, so I came to the conclusion that she would ride with me. Because I would die if anything ever happened to her, especially on the dangerous roads of Thailand. I couldn't even imagine what I would do if she were in an accident like mine. Whenever I get really sad during a movie, my mind immediately runs to how much I love my mom. Now you might say that makes me a mamma's boy, and you're right. I absolutely, unequivocally, unconditionally love my mom.
She's my biggest cheer leader. It's quite an extraordinary thing how the words of the person you love most in the world can affect you. While her criticisms cut me down the most, her encouragements lift me higher than the clouds. Thankfully she mostly gives encouragement. =] I remember when I was little and Dad would tickle Mom and she would always scream. Not a bad scream, a laughing scream. But every time it would make me cry because I didn't like my mom in any position of pain. Even today, I really hate when my mom is unhappy. One time in college, one of my roommates had a disagreement with me. He told his mom and his mom told my mom. I was furious! My mom doesn't need that kind of drama! The same thing happened last year when I left Mammoth Lakes; the man I was staying with involved my dad and my mom! That time I was livid. I wanted to march over to his house and punch him square in the face just because he had involved my mother. The moral of this story is don't mess with my mom or you'll have to mess with me. I like how it worked out that she has taken such good care of me since I made her a mother, because now I get to transition into taking care of her.
I used to go through the list of my friends' moms to see if I would ever want to trade them for my mom. Every time I liked the idea of my mom over everyone else's mom. I did that because every time I told her she was my favorite mom, I was telling the absolute truth. I love my mom so extremely much and I'm so blessed to have Lynn Love Erickson as my mother. I miss her so much, but I know she's always praying for me and thinking about me. One of my favorite memories of her is during high school; I was going through some pretty rough stuff, mainly un-diagnosed depression. Almost every morning, I would walk down the stairs to get ready in the morning and there would be a little note on the last stair. I would open it and find a little encouraging note paired with a Bible verse, or a clipping from her morning devotion. Even if I was in a hurry and just glanced at it, or had time to sit down and soak it all in, I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that I was loved by my mom. And still today, I have never known a day where my mom didn't love me. And I hope she knows that not a day goes by when I don't think about that and how much I love her.
Happy birthday, Mom! The people I show your picture to honestly think you're in your 30's. You are absolutely my favorite mom =] Love, Ben
Saturday, February 7, 2015
Thailand 101
Last week, as I was skyping with my parents, my mom asked me to take more pictures of sites in Thailand because she said she wanted to "see what I see." I thought that was a great idea so when I remembered to take my camera with me, I would just take pictures of what I saw. Admittedly, I forget my camera almost all the time, so this is just the beginning of my photo series called, "See what I see." I also decided to throw in some facts/tips about Thailand for my family and friends so they get a picture of what I've been experiencing since I've been here.
You see that second sliding glass door on the top left? That's my little room with a bathroom and a balcony. It's like a hotel room, but it's super cheap! Only 4000 baht a month plus 150 for water and 7/unit for electricity. They also provide a motorbike for me for 2500 baht a month, which is very cheap! So I pay about 7500 baht a month for this lovely place. They also do my laundry and clean my room every other week. The land lady here is so sweet and never misses an opportunity to test my Thai. I, in turn, never miss a chance to test her English. We have fun with it.
2. My school, Rakwittaya, is literally right down the road. I could walk there in less than 5 minutes, but I always take my motorbike because I'm lazy. Or if I want to go out to get some lunch then it's already there! The school is a private school and its very fancy compared to other Thailand schools. It even has a pool that I'm only allowed to use after school hours, just in case it gets REALLY hot. It's pronounced rak-witty-a. I teach all the English conversation classes for grades 4-6. A Thai teacher teaches them English grammar, which I'm kind of jealous about. From time to time, I throw a little grammar into my lessons.
3. The classrooms are extremely basic. There's no air conditioning, but it's ok because its in the shade! Plus there are two fans in every room. So luxurious! But since we're so close to the beach, (and by close I mean about 20km) we leave the doors and windows open and often get a nice, cool breeze. There are two doors in every classroom, one in the front and one in the back. This way, if there are so many students in the classroom and all their junk is piled everywhere, I can just go out the front door and go in the back door to get to the back of the classroom! One thing I don't like about them is the walls are so thin that when another class is screaming the times table chant in the next room, I have the pleasure of trying to speak above them. I think since being in Thailand, I've gotten much louder.
4. Schools in Thailand have period rotations, just like in the United States. Sometimes it's exhausting trying to remember which class is on which day at what time. Mondays and Tuesdays are the hardest because I only have one free period, and they're not before or after lunch, or at the end of the day so I can't leave early. Wednesdays are the best because my first two periods are free and so is my last period. Friday rocks because I only have three classes and I spend all my free time planning for the next week, so it works out perfectly!
5. The market rocks. Every afternoon around 5, I get on my bike and ride on the big main road to the 7/11 and get two things: Sprite and peanuts. I'll explain why later. Then I ride over to the market. The market is amazing. It's a big, well, here's a picture...
As you can see, it's just a giant metal plate covered area with a bunch of stands. They literally sell everything. Here's the layout. the front right is pretty much the main entrance, but you can go in wherever you want. If it were a giant square the bottom right would be food that is ready to eat. They have soups and buffets and fried chicken and fruits and vegetables and my favorite, noodles!! It can get a little smoky over there because people are constantly cooking, so it's always safe to follow your nose, unless it leads you to the bottom left. That's basically the vendor market. Where all the street vendors can buy stuff to cook. It's all raw meats and still alive fish and stuff like that. If you ever need to not feel hungry anymore, take a stroll down the raw meat aisle at the market, that'll do it!
6. The Sprite and peanuts are for my favorite dinner. I go straight to my noodle lady and she always has four things of noodles cooked with extra chili powder in a plastic bag waiting for me every day when I come in. The peanuts are to put in the noodles because I like extra and the sprite is because for some reason, it tastes amazing with those noodles! I eat that almost every night. The only nights I don't is when I can't find the noodle lady.
7. 7/11 is the lifeblood of Thailand. In bigger cities, they're literally on every street corner. In Phuket, there was one corner that had one, and then the corner across the street had one too. They're like Walgreen without the pharmacy. They have everything from toiletries and toilet paper to magazines and paper to food galore. You could eat exclusively from 7/11 and be totally fine. The alternative is called Family Mart and it's basically the same thing.
8. People are extremely kind. If you've read some of my previous posts, that will explain it all. One time I was standing in line at 7/11 and while I was trying to get money out of my wallet, i dropped my little brick phone and it exploded into all it's pieces on the floor. Before I could even bend down to pick up one of the pieces, the two people standing in line with me were standing next to me holding the rest of my phone piece.
9. TESCO! Tesco is like a mini-mall. There are little stores everywhere and of course Dunkin' Donuts and KFC and sometimes a Starbucks or McDonalds. The part of the mall that is Tesco is like the Thai version of Walmart, just not as extensive. They have bed spreads and curtains as well as food and electronics. They also have a big alcohol section which leads me to my next point...
10. Alcohol can NOT be sold between 2 and 5. This makes little sense to me, because that's when I am usually buying wine and stuff! The section is open for looking, but you can't buy it until after 5 or before 2. I will never understand that rule.
11. There are 5 main banks in Thailand. It's easy to remember which is yours because they all have a different color! My bank is the green bank because it has the best exchange rate on foreign currency. I guess that was only useful when I first got here, but hey, it got me to give them my business! There is the purple bank, which is Siam Commercial Bank. People with businesses bank there. There is also the yellow bank and the light blue bank, which are like my green bank. Then there's the dark blue bank, which is Bangkok Bank. That's the only bank that has does Western Union stuff.
12. We drive on the left side of the road and the right side of the car. I've only been here four months, but when I watch a movie with people driving in the States, I always get confused about which side of the car is the correct driving side. I still wonder if I go back, I won't screw up driving a car because I've gotten so used to how it is here.
Well, that's all I got for now! But here's some pictures of my classes doing this thing on Thursday afternoon where we made tea from different kinds of plants. I was privileged enough to be trusted with a tasting spoon, so I got to go around tasting everyone's tea, telling them if it was too sweet or sour. Over all, everything tasted good, and I had a great time being able to hang out with my students in a non classroom setting!
1. This is where I live.
2. My school, Rakwittaya, is literally right down the road. I could walk there in less than 5 minutes, but I always take my motorbike because I'm lazy. Or if I want to go out to get some lunch then it's already there! The school is a private school and its very fancy compared to other Thailand schools. It even has a pool that I'm only allowed to use after school hours, just in case it gets REALLY hot. It's pronounced rak-witty-a. I teach all the English conversation classes for grades 4-6. A Thai teacher teaches them English grammar, which I'm kind of jealous about. From time to time, I throw a little grammar into my lessons.
3. The classrooms are extremely basic. There's no air conditioning, but it's ok because its in the shade! Plus there are two fans in every room. So luxurious! But since we're so close to the beach, (and by close I mean about 20km) we leave the doors and windows open and often get a nice, cool breeze. There are two doors in every classroom, one in the front and one in the back. This way, if there are so many students in the classroom and all their junk is piled everywhere, I can just go out the front door and go in the back door to get to the back of the classroom! One thing I don't like about them is the walls are so thin that when another class is screaming the times table chant in the next room, I have the pleasure of trying to speak above them. I think since being in Thailand, I've gotten much louder.
4. Schools in Thailand have period rotations, just like in the United States. Sometimes it's exhausting trying to remember which class is on which day at what time. Mondays and Tuesdays are the hardest because I only have one free period, and they're not before or after lunch, or at the end of the day so I can't leave early. Wednesdays are the best because my first two periods are free and so is my last period. Friday rocks because I only have three classes and I spend all my free time planning for the next week, so it works out perfectly!
5. The market rocks. Every afternoon around 5, I get on my bike and ride on the big main road to the 7/11 and get two things: Sprite and peanuts. I'll explain why later. Then I ride over to the market. The market is amazing. It's a big, well, here's a picture...
6. The Sprite and peanuts are for my favorite dinner. I go straight to my noodle lady and she always has four things of noodles cooked with extra chili powder in a plastic bag waiting for me every day when I come in. The peanuts are to put in the noodles because I like extra and the sprite is because for some reason, it tastes amazing with those noodles! I eat that almost every night. The only nights I don't is when I can't find the noodle lady.
7. 7/11 is the lifeblood of Thailand. In bigger cities, they're literally on every street corner. In Phuket, there was one corner that had one, and then the corner across the street had one too. They're like Walgreen without the pharmacy. They have everything from toiletries and toilet paper to magazines and paper to food galore. You could eat exclusively from 7/11 and be totally fine. The alternative is called Family Mart and it's basically the same thing.
8. People are extremely kind. If you've read some of my previous posts, that will explain it all. One time I was standing in line at 7/11 and while I was trying to get money out of my wallet, i dropped my little brick phone and it exploded into all it's pieces on the floor. Before I could even bend down to pick up one of the pieces, the two people standing in line with me were standing next to me holding the rest of my phone piece.
9. TESCO! Tesco is like a mini-mall. There are little stores everywhere and of course Dunkin' Donuts and KFC and sometimes a Starbucks or McDonalds. The part of the mall that is Tesco is like the Thai version of Walmart, just not as extensive. They have bed spreads and curtains as well as food and electronics. They also have a big alcohol section which leads me to my next point...
10. Alcohol can NOT be sold between 2 and 5. This makes little sense to me, because that's when I am usually buying wine and stuff! The section is open for looking, but you can't buy it until after 5 or before 2. I will never understand that rule.
11. There are 5 main banks in Thailand. It's easy to remember which is yours because they all have a different color! My bank is the green bank because it has the best exchange rate on foreign currency. I guess that was only useful when I first got here, but hey, it got me to give them my business! There is the purple bank, which is Siam Commercial Bank. People with businesses bank there. There is also the yellow bank and the light blue bank, which are like my green bank. Then there's the dark blue bank, which is Bangkok Bank. That's the only bank that has does Western Union stuff.
12. We drive on the left side of the road and the right side of the car. I've only been here four months, but when I watch a movie with people driving in the States, I always get confused about which side of the car is the correct driving side. I still wonder if I go back, I won't screw up driving a car because I've gotten so used to how it is here.
Well, that's all I got for now! But here's some pictures of my classes doing this thing on Thursday afternoon where we made tea from different kinds of plants. I was privileged enough to be trusted with a tasting spoon, so I got to go around tasting everyone's tea, telling them if it was too sweet or sour. Over all, everything tasted good, and I had a great time being able to hang out with my students in a non classroom setting!
Sunday, February 1, 2015
Let Me Tell You Something About the Love of God
You know, I've been thinking very hard about what to write today. I knew I was going to write something when I woke up this morning, but I never expected the thing that happened today. I woke up pretty late, around 10 and got up and took a shower because when I take a shower, I immediately feel ready for the day and ready to go do something. If I don't, I'll get back into bed and do nothing. But I did shower this morning so I felt the need to go out and do something. I knew I needed to go to the hospital near me that my agent told me about to see if they had the insulin I needed.
So I drove over there and played diabetes-insulin charades with the medical staff at the Fort Thanarat Hospital (associated with the Thanarat Camp Infantryman Center). They took my blood pressure and stuck a thermometer in my armpit. I've never had that done before. They asked me how long I'd had diabetes and how many units of which insulin I take. I told them and asked if they had that particular insulin. To my great surprise and even greater comfort, they did have it! I asked for a month supply and it cost me about the same as a one and a half week supply at Bangkok Hospital in Hua Hin. One thing about Thailand is they love their plastic bags. They put the insulin in a plastic bag. They put that bag in another bag filled with ice packs. They put that bag in another bag and tied it up real tight. Then they put that bag in another bag and gave it all to me. It took me about 5 minutes to get the insulin out of the bag contraption.
Satisfied with my purchase, I obviously returned home to get the insulin out of the bags and into my fridge. By then it was lunch time so I thought I'd check out what this week's Sunday market had to offer. The great thing about Sunday market is that it opens much earlier than the regular week market and there's a ton more stuff. But the greatest part is sometimes I see some of my students there with their families. And it's always fun to see the surprised or horrified look on their faces when they see Teacher Ben wandering around Sunday market. Now during the regular week market, I always go straight to my noodle lady. She always knows I'm coming and always has my four things of noodles ready for me to buy. Only 20 baht for four things! So obviously this is what I was looking for at Sunday market. I searched that whole market, looking for a face instead of a food item, and couldn't find her! I saw one of my favorite students, but he didn't see me, and I didn't want to embarrass him so I didn't say anything. After spending a good 30 minutes wandering around, I gave up and decided to check the site of the regular market.
This market is a short distance from my house, but not as close as Sunday market. There were a few vendors there, but no noodle lady. Having given up hope, I went to the Dunkin' Donuts in the Tesco down the road to lift my spirits. Donuts are good, but not as amazing as noodles. Feeling defeated, i decided to return home, and that's when it happened.
The road home is about two miles long and very thin. Cars are always taking up all the space, which gets really annoying. There are no intersections, only turns. I was passing a line of cars waiting for the car in front to turn (I only know this because of what happens later). Other cars were coming out of the side road onto the main road, so it was waiting for them. The car's blinker was not on so I assumed it was waiting to go straight. I was wrong. Right as I began to pass it, it began to turn. It turned right into me and my motorbike slid and fell on its right side. Shock ensued, making my injuries seem fine. I got up and moved the bike to the side of the road. A bunch of coins had fallen out of my cup holder and someone's mirror had shattered. After getting to the side of the road, I gathered my wits and stupidly surveyed my injuries. Blood was everywhere. Running down my right leg and running down my right arm. I couldn't really see what had happened to me because of all the blood, which I guess was a good thing at the moment. The driver of the car that hit me and her friend came over to see if I was ok.
Like I always say when I get in an accident, I told them I was so sorry and that I was fine. They were smarter than that. In their choppy English they said I was not fine and that I needed to go to the hospital. I insisted that I was fine and that I did NOT need to go to the hospital. But their insistence on my going to the hospital paired with my pain starting to ease into existence convinced me otherwise. The pain started to get a lot worse. My leg and arm were both shaking. They led me to their little blue coop and helped me into the back seat. I tried really hard not to get blood on anything. On our way to the hospital, they were talking back and forth in Thai, and I couldn't understand. So I placed myself in the conversation and asked them their names. I only remember Rai, the driver. They asked the usual questions, where I worked, how old I was, whether I was single or not.
After arriving at the hospital, the pain started to get much worse. They led me to a bed in the emergency room while speaking 1000mph in Thai to the doctors. As I was laying on the gurney, it occurred to me to call the only person who would care about this, my agent Noon. After calling many times and getting no answer, I gave up. One of the women stood next to me and held my hand while they cleaned my wounds and then...alcohol. Hydrogen peroxide is not a thing here, they just use alcohol. That hurt like a mother.What's her name squeezed my hand and I did the same. Once for my foot, once for my knee, once for my forearm, and once for my elbow. That part hurt more than the actual accident. They tried to get me to fill out an information form, but the pain was so bad I couldn't even think much less write my information. I remembered I had my special Hospital card from earlier that day. They always make one for you on your first hospital visit. I gave it to the doctors so they could somehow get my information.
After they got me all wrapped up, the two ladies helped me off the bed and into a wheelchair. They asked me where I lived and I did my best to explain to them. I told them I would show them. As I was being wheeled out, I saw the doctor give one of the women a piece of paper and some change. She had just paid for whatever the doctors did to me AND whatever medication they had just prescribed to me. I didn't understand this brand of kindness.
They helped me into the car and we went back to get the motorbike. One of the ladies drive it behind us as I showed them where I lived. I got out and my amazing land lady saw me all wrapped up and ran out to see what had happened and if I was alright. The two ladies explained what happened as they gave me my medication and exchanged phone numbers with me. They told me they would call tomorrow to see if I was ok. I thanked them profusely and waied the way you wai the royal family.
I limped up to my room still confused, and viciously pondering the course of events that had just happened. I fell on my bed and began to cry. I had been holding it in since the accident, but it wasn't all out of pain, it was because I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that it was all God. The crying moved to weeping as I recalled all the times I turned my back on Him. I do it every day. Every day there's some decision I make that I know is wrong. Every day I openly mock God with my actions and thoughts, but He always forgives me. This kind of love is incomprehensible. If I can't even understand the love He has shown me by using these two women to take care of me today, how could I possible begin to fathom the love He has shown by sending Jesus to die on the cross for my sins?
What kind of love works beyond all sin? What kind of love forgives rotten, ugly, selfish sinners like me? What kind of love watches over me every second of every day? What kind of love provides for me endlessly without me even asking? I'll tell you! It's the kind of love that gets you through every day. It's the kind of love that supports you. It's the kind of love that lets you be free. It's unconditional love. It's the love of the Creator. It's the love of our Heavenly Father. It's the love of God.
You'd think I would be done by now, but I'm not. It's been amazing how God has revealed Himself to me while I've been in Thailand. This part of my life is obviously not about me, it's about Him. I came here to be a teacher, but I am learning more here than I ever would have thought. This isn't about a career, it's about learning about myself. Life is never about our glory; it's always about God's glory. So stop wasting your time trying to further your kingdom, because I can tell you from experience, that never works. Instead focus on furthering God's kingdom, because that's literally all that matters. I am almost positive you were not put on earth to be a CEO, or a perfect socialite mother, or a "cool parent" or everyone's favorite teacher. We were placed on this earth to bring God glory and to be disciples for His Kingdom. Remind yourself of that every day, because that's what I have to do. Choose THIS DAY whom you will serve.
So I drove over there and played diabetes-insulin charades with the medical staff at the Fort Thanarat Hospital (associated with the Thanarat Camp Infantryman Center). They took my blood pressure and stuck a thermometer in my armpit. I've never had that done before. They asked me how long I'd had diabetes and how many units of which insulin I take. I told them and asked if they had that particular insulin. To my great surprise and even greater comfort, they did have it! I asked for a month supply and it cost me about the same as a one and a half week supply at Bangkok Hospital in Hua Hin. One thing about Thailand is they love their plastic bags. They put the insulin in a plastic bag. They put that bag in another bag filled with ice packs. They put that bag in another bag and tied it up real tight. Then they put that bag in another bag and gave it all to me. It took me about 5 minutes to get the insulin out of the bag contraption.
Satisfied with my purchase, I obviously returned home to get the insulin out of the bags and into my fridge. By then it was lunch time so I thought I'd check out what this week's Sunday market had to offer. The great thing about Sunday market is that it opens much earlier than the regular week market and there's a ton more stuff. But the greatest part is sometimes I see some of my students there with their families. And it's always fun to see the surprised or horrified look on their faces when they see Teacher Ben wandering around Sunday market. Now during the regular week market, I always go straight to my noodle lady. She always knows I'm coming and always has my four things of noodles ready for me to buy. Only 20 baht for four things! So obviously this is what I was looking for at Sunday market. I searched that whole market, looking for a face instead of a food item, and couldn't find her! I saw one of my favorite students, but he didn't see me, and I didn't want to embarrass him so I didn't say anything. After spending a good 30 minutes wandering around, I gave up and decided to check the site of the regular market.
This market is a short distance from my house, but not as close as Sunday market. There were a few vendors there, but no noodle lady. Having given up hope, I went to the Dunkin' Donuts in the Tesco down the road to lift my spirits. Donuts are good, but not as amazing as noodles. Feeling defeated, i decided to return home, and that's when it happened.
The road home is about two miles long and very thin. Cars are always taking up all the space, which gets really annoying. There are no intersections, only turns. I was passing a line of cars waiting for the car in front to turn (I only know this because of what happens later). Other cars were coming out of the side road onto the main road, so it was waiting for them. The car's blinker was not on so I assumed it was waiting to go straight. I was wrong. Right as I began to pass it, it began to turn. It turned right into me and my motorbike slid and fell on its right side. Shock ensued, making my injuries seem fine. I got up and moved the bike to the side of the road. A bunch of coins had fallen out of my cup holder and someone's mirror had shattered. After getting to the side of the road, I gathered my wits and stupidly surveyed my injuries. Blood was everywhere. Running down my right leg and running down my right arm. I couldn't really see what had happened to me because of all the blood, which I guess was a good thing at the moment. The driver of the car that hit me and her friend came over to see if I was ok.
Like I always say when I get in an accident, I told them I was so sorry and that I was fine. They were smarter than that. In their choppy English they said I was not fine and that I needed to go to the hospital. I insisted that I was fine and that I did NOT need to go to the hospital. But their insistence on my going to the hospital paired with my pain starting to ease into existence convinced me otherwise. The pain started to get a lot worse. My leg and arm were both shaking. They led me to their little blue coop and helped me into the back seat. I tried really hard not to get blood on anything. On our way to the hospital, they were talking back and forth in Thai, and I couldn't understand. So I placed myself in the conversation and asked them their names. I only remember Rai, the driver. They asked the usual questions, where I worked, how old I was, whether I was single or not.
After arriving at the hospital, the pain started to get much worse. They led me to a bed in the emergency room while speaking 1000mph in Thai to the doctors. As I was laying on the gurney, it occurred to me to call the only person who would care about this, my agent Noon. After calling many times and getting no answer, I gave up. One of the women stood next to me and held my hand while they cleaned my wounds and then...alcohol. Hydrogen peroxide is not a thing here, they just use alcohol. That hurt like a mother.What's her name squeezed my hand and I did the same. Once for my foot, once for my knee, once for my forearm, and once for my elbow. That part hurt more than the actual accident. They tried to get me to fill out an information form, but the pain was so bad I couldn't even think much less write my information. I remembered I had my special Hospital card from earlier that day. They always make one for you on your first hospital visit. I gave it to the doctors so they could somehow get my information.
After they got me all wrapped up, the two ladies helped me off the bed and into a wheelchair. They asked me where I lived and I did my best to explain to them. I told them I would show them. As I was being wheeled out, I saw the doctor give one of the women a piece of paper and some change. She had just paid for whatever the doctors did to me AND whatever medication they had just prescribed to me. I didn't understand this brand of kindness.
They helped me into the car and we went back to get the motorbike. One of the ladies drive it behind us as I showed them where I lived. I got out and my amazing land lady saw me all wrapped up and ran out to see what had happened and if I was alright. The two ladies explained what happened as they gave me my medication and exchanged phone numbers with me. They told me they would call tomorrow to see if I was ok. I thanked them profusely and waied the way you wai the royal family.
I limped up to my room still confused, and viciously pondering the course of events that had just happened. I fell on my bed and began to cry. I had been holding it in since the accident, but it wasn't all out of pain, it was because I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that it was all God. The crying moved to weeping as I recalled all the times I turned my back on Him. I do it every day. Every day there's some decision I make that I know is wrong. Every day I openly mock God with my actions and thoughts, but He always forgives me. This kind of love is incomprehensible. If I can't even understand the love He has shown me by using these two women to take care of me today, how could I possible begin to fathom the love He has shown by sending Jesus to die on the cross for my sins?
What kind of love works beyond all sin? What kind of love forgives rotten, ugly, selfish sinners like me? What kind of love watches over me every second of every day? What kind of love provides for me endlessly without me even asking? I'll tell you! It's the kind of love that gets you through every day. It's the kind of love that supports you. It's the kind of love that lets you be free. It's unconditional love. It's the love of the Creator. It's the love of our Heavenly Father. It's the love of God.
You'd think I would be done by now, but I'm not. It's been amazing how God has revealed Himself to me while I've been in Thailand. This part of my life is obviously not about me, it's about Him. I came here to be a teacher, but I am learning more here than I ever would have thought. This isn't about a career, it's about learning about myself. Life is never about our glory; it's always about God's glory. So stop wasting your time trying to further your kingdom, because I can tell you from experience, that never works. Instead focus on furthering God's kingdom, because that's literally all that matters. I am almost positive you were not put on earth to be a CEO, or a perfect socialite mother, or a "cool parent" or everyone's favorite teacher. We were placed on this earth to bring God glory and to be disciples for His Kingdom. Remind yourself of that every day, because that's what I have to do. Choose THIS DAY whom you will serve.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
New Life = New Blessings/New Complaints
I've only been teaching six days at this school and already I have time off! That doesn't include sports day last Friday that I had to attend as part of the faculty. All I did was wave at students and watch them spend all their parents' money on worthless junk. It was like a carnival type thing with face painting and even a haunted house! Actually it was more like a haunted tiny room. But those kids were paying upwards of 20 baht to see inside so at least the school made money! Money to give to me during all these days off!
The weekend was fun. My fellow English teachers took me out for dinner at this steak restaurant in Pran Buri. Here's the thing about young Thai restaurants serving western food: everything is made in the order starting with the longest item to prepare, and then goes on down to the dishes that take the least amount of time. Only one item can be cooked at a time (not because they can't, but because that's just what they decided) and when it is finished, it is brought to the table. There were seven of us. We ordered at 7. The last dish arrived at our table right before 9. And my southern manners prevented me from eating until then. The only problem was that I had gotten my food around 7:30. Eating cold chicken reminded me of how my mom loves eating cold meat. It was good, but not good. After that most of us went to a bar right down the street to loosen up and hang out after our first week back after the holidays so that was fun. It felt so good to use sarcasm again! It had been way too long.
After a nice first weekend in the middle of nowhere, school started again. Every morning I have to be there at 7:30. I go to my office and look at what happened on Facebook in the United States while I was sleeping and then at 8 we have assembly. Like other schools, we raise the flag and sing the college football fight song-style national anthem. Then we say our prayers to Buddha and thank him 3 times and sing a little song to him. Then one of the English teachers gets on the little stage and gives what my boss calls "general English knowledge." I don't think any of us has any idea what that means. But the teachers so far have just given a word of the day and explained its meaning. I have to give the general knowledge tomorrow and I can't decide if I'll just do a word of the day or if I'll choose to speak the lyrics of a western pop song. I want to be brave, but we'll see how it goes. More on that later.
Next we all scramble and go to our first classes. My schedule is different every day, but Mondays are good because I only have 5th and 6th grade, but bad because they're a bunch of rebellious preteens. My first class is 6/4. This class has my favorite student, Ploy. She sits next to a girl also named Ploy. And there is another girl a couple rows back also named Ploy. They're only 3 of the 7 Ploys I teach in the 6th grade. Confusing, huh? I like her the most because regardless of whether the class is sitting quietly doing work or wildly screaming and not paying attention, she is ALWAYS focused and ready to learn. It makes the class worth it knowing that I can impart knowledge to at least one student. Mondays and Tuesdays are hard because I only have one free period at the end of the day, but not the very end, so I can't leave early.
The best day is Wednesday because periods 1 and 2 are free so I can sleep in! This week is different though because all my students have mid-terms today and tomorrow. So I go to assembly in the morning and then I'm finished for the day! And then Friday is Teachers' day and no one goes to school for that!
My very kind, accommodating, efficient, and helpful new agency is giving me a salary advance since I only came here with about 9000 baht and I wouldn't be getting paid until the 30th! I spent 8000 on my rent and deposit and 1000 has been spend solely on food. In fact, today I literally spent my last 20 baht note. And that was just for water. Now I have exactly 28 baht in change and that will only be used for an emergency between now and tomorrow afternoon. I have to be very careful because my motorbike is very close to empty and I have to drive almost a kilometer to get to the bank and then to the gas station. But if bad goes to worse I can just push the bike to get the gas after I'm at the bank. Anyway, the agency is giving me 10000 of my salary now, and then 20000 of it on the 30th. The Lord at work again! It's interesting how frugally you can actually live when you literally have no money. I'm not worried though. If God has taken such good care of my up to this point, I know he's not gonna stop now.
My very rude, unaccommodating, inefficient, and unhelpful previous agency conveniently "lost" my time sheets for a whole week in December. Of course they didn't ever mention to me that they couldn't find them. When I asked when I'd be receiving the rest of my money, they didn't even say that didn't have them! After all I went through with them I was certainly not happy. I knew I sent those time sheets so I went back into my email and found them for those geniuses. I literally cannot understand why they would either be so ridiculously rude and delete that email or "forget" I sent them, or be so incredibly incompetent that they actually did think that I didn't work an entire week in December and think that was completely normal. I'm getting all worked up again talking about this! They better get it right this time or they will get an earful from me and hopefully from XploreAsia in the process. I will not be cheated by them again!
Now that the rant is over I can talk about what I miss. FOOD! I miss the ever flowing fountain of ginger ale that would flow from the outside fridge. I miss eating eggs in all its wonderful forms. I miss smelling grilled beef and then actually getting to eat grilled beef! I miss being able to cook my own food in an actual kitchen! I haven't even seen a real live kitchen in almost four months! Microwave food is good, but at some point I have to move on! Street vendors are good too, but again, at some point I need something more! And one day I'll have that and it will be such a magnificent meal I'll take a bunch of pictures and post them on here. But until that day, peanut butter sandwiches with a side of wavy lays and a bottle of orange fanta will have to do!
The weekend was fun. My fellow English teachers took me out for dinner at this steak restaurant in Pran Buri. Here's the thing about young Thai restaurants serving western food: everything is made in the order starting with the longest item to prepare, and then goes on down to the dishes that take the least amount of time. Only one item can be cooked at a time (not because they can't, but because that's just what they decided) and when it is finished, it is brought to the table. There were seven of us. We ordered at 7. The last dish arrived at our table right before 9. And my southern manners prevented me from eating until then. The only problem was that I had gotten my food around 7:30. Eating cold chicken reminded me of how my mom loves eating cold meat. It was good, but not good. After that most of us went to a bar right down the street to loosen up and hang out after our first week back after the holidays so that was fun. It felt so good to use sarcasm again! It had been way too long.
After a nice first weekend in the middle of nowhere, school started again. Every morning I have to be there at 7:30. I go to my office and look at what happened on Facebook in the United States while I was sleeping and then at 8 we have assembly. Like other schools, we raise the flag and sing the college football fight song-style national anthem. Then we say our prayers to Buddha and thank him 3 times and sing a little song to him. Then one of the English teachers gets on the little stage and gives what my boss calls "general English knowledge." I don't think any of us has any idea what that means. But the teachers so far have just given a word of the day and explained its meaning. I have to give the general knowledge tomorrow and I can't decide if I'll just do a word of the day or if I'll choose to speak the lyrics of a western pop song. I want to be brave, but we'll see how it goes. More on that later.
Next we all scramble and go to our first classes. My schedule is different every day, but Mondays are good because I only have 5th and 6th grade, but bad because they're a bunch of rebellious preteens. My first class is 6/4. This class has my favorite student, Ploy. She sits next to a girl also named Ploy. And there is another girl a couple rows back also named Ploy. They're only 3 of the 7 Ploys I teach in the 6th grade. Confusing, huh? I like her the most because regardless of whether the class is sitting quietly doing work or wildly screaming and not paying attention, she is ALWAYS focused and ready to learn. It makes the class worth it knowing that I can impart knowledge to at least one student. Mondays and Tuesdays are hard because I only have one free period at the end of the day, but not the very end, so I can't leave early.
The best day is Wednesday because periods 1 and 2 are free so I can sleep in! This week is different though because all my students have mid-terms today and tomorrow. So I go to assembly in the morning and then I'm finished for the day! And then Friday is Teachers' day and no one goes to school for that!
My very kind, accommodating, efficient, and helpful new agency is giving me a salary advance since I only came here with about 9000 baht and I wouldn't be getting paid until the 30th! I spent 8000 on my rent and deposit and 1000 has been spend solely on food. In fact, today I literally spent my last 20 baht note. And that was just for water. Now I have exactly 28 baht in change and that will only be used for an emergency between now and tomorrow afternoon. I have to be very careful because my motorbike is very close to empty and I have to drive almost a kilometer to get to the bank and then to the gas station. But if bad goes to worse I can just push the bike to get the gas after I'm at the bank. Anyway, the agency is giving me 10000 of my salary now, and then 20000 of it on the 30th. The Lord at work again! It's interesting how frugally you can actually live when you literally have no money. I'm not worried though. If God has taken such good care of my up to this point, I know he's not gonna stop now.
My very rude, unaccommodating, inefficient, and unhelpful previous agency conveniently "lost" my time sheets for a whole week in December. Of course they didn't ever mention to me that they couldn't find them. When I asked when I'd be receiving the rest of my money, they didn't even say that didn't have them! After all I went through with them I was certainly not happy. I knew I sent those time sheets so I went back into my email and found them for those geniuses. I literally cannot understand why they would either be so ridiculously rude and delete that email or "forget" I sent them, or be so incredibly incompetent that they actually did think that I didn't work an entire week in December and think that was completely normal. I'm getting all worked up again talking about this! They better get it right this time or they will get an earful from me and hopefully from XploreAsia in the process. I will not be cheated by them again!
Now that the rant is over I can talk about what I miss. FOOD! I miss the ever flowing fountain of ginger ale that would flow from the outside fridge. I miss eating eggs in all its wonderful forms. I miss smelling grilled beef and then actually getting to eat grilled beef! I miss being able to cook my own food in an actual kitchen! I haven't even seen a real live kitchen in almost four months! Microwave food is good, but at some point I have to move on! Street vendors are good too, but again, at some point I need something more! And one day I'll have that and it will be such a magnificent meal I'll take a bunch of pictures and post them on here. But until that day, peanut butter sandwiches with a side of wavy lays and a bottle of orange fanta will have to do!
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
The Real Beginning
So this is my fourth day at my new school in the outskirts of Hua Hin. The new place I work is a humongous private school in between Hua Hun and Pranburi, about two hours south of Bangkok. It's very different from Phuket. The nearest Family Mart of 7/11 is NOT right around the corner, like it is everywhere in Phuket. And there's not a thousand street vendors vying for my business. But there are benefits! My apartment is not surrounded by a bunch of barking dogs at night and its quite peaceful. It's nice to finish a long day at work--with 3000 kids all screaming hello at you as you want by--with a nice, cold glass of Fanta while I peacefully binge on The Good Wife. It's so much simpler here. And that is one of the reasons I wanted to move to Thailand, for the simple life. And although I did enjoy Phuket, this is something I will really have to get used to.
At this new school, Rakwittaya, I am the sole English teacher for grades 4-6. There are four classes in each grade, so I teach twelve different groups of children. Learning names isn't even an option. Of course you always remember the name of the kid you call on all the time for being too loud, but other than the trouble makers, I only know the generic names like Ice or Pear. The school is very laid back and I have a lot of curricular freedom, which is something I lacked at my previous school. It's not as great as it sounds since I only see every class twice a week, but it does mean I only have to make 6 lesson plans a week, and at my last school I had to make 20. Unlike most government schools, I can do whatever and go wherever I want as long as I sign in at 7:30am and sign out before I leave for the day! On Thursdays, an English teacher gives "general knowledge" at assembly. I have yet to know what that means. Maybe I could just read one of my blog posts and explain that it's technical general knowledge about myself! We'll see how that goes next week.
After being here for the last few days I've realized that being in Phuket was just training for being here. A genius part of God's perfect plan. If I needed to trust Him in Phuket, then I definitely need to trust Him here. Things are not as easily accessible and hard times will intensify. But God taught me well in Phuket that He will provide, and already He has. I came to this place with very little money because working part time for half a month while also playing other bills doesn't add up to a big amount of money. But He provided a nice apartment that was very affordable. Left with around 2000 baht, I thought I would be fine! My school was in walking distance of my house but all the stores were not, and I wanted, but didn't need a motorbike. My awesome land lady told me that she knew someone who rented them and could get me one. I explained that I didn't have the regular 3000 baht for one. She smiled, as she always does when she sees me, and told me it was only 2500 and I didn't have to pay until the end of the month! I was a little shocked because that is a very, very rare deal. I skeptically said yes, and that afternoon, she was waiting for me outside my school with the motorbike. God will always provide everything you need, and even sometimes the things you want.
I feel like this is the real beginning of my adventure in Thailand, and Phuket was just the practice round. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me in this teeny town at this massive school!
At this new school, Rakwittaya, I am the sole English teacher for grades 4-6. There are four classes in each grade, so I teach twelve different groups of children. Learning names isn't even an option. Of course you always remember the name of the kid you call on all the time for being too loud, but other than the trouble makers, I only know the generic names like Ice or Pear. The school is very laid back and I have a lot of curricular freedom, which is something I lacked at my previous school. It's not as great as it sounds since I only see every class twice a week, but it does mean I only have to make 6 lesson plans a week, and at my last school I had to make 20. Unlike most government schools, I can do whatever and go wherever I want as long as I sign in at 7:30am and sign out before I leave for the day! On Thursdays, an English teacher gives "general knowledge" at assembly. I have yet to know what that means. Maybe I could just read one of my blog posts and explain that it's technical general knowledge about myself! We'll see how that goes next week.
After being here for the last few days I've realized that being in Phuket was just training for being here. A genius part of God's perfect plan. If I needed to trust Him in Phuket, then I definitely need to trust Him here. Things are not as easily accessible and hard times will intensify. But God taught me well in Phuket that He will provide, and already He has. I came to this place with very little money because working part time for half a month while also playing other bills doesn't add up to a big amount of money. But He provided a nice apartment that was very affordable. Left with around 2000 baht, I thought I would be fine! My school was in walking distance of my house but all the stores were not, and I wanted, but didn't need a motorbike. My awesome land lady told me that she knew someone who rented them and could get me one. I explained that I didn't have the regular 3000 baht for one. She smiled, as she always does when she sees me, and told me it was only 2500 and I didn't have to pay until the end of the month! I was a little shocked because that is a very, very rare deal. I skeptically said yes, and that afternoon, she was waiting for me outside my school with the motorbike. God will always provide everything you need, and even sometimes the things you want.
I feel like this is the real beginning of my adventure in Thailand, and Phuket was just the practice round. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me in this teeny town at this massive school!
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| Here's a picture of what the kids have been doing during their free periods and lunch this week. When I first saw the Spiderman float, I was confused because at first glance it looked like Spiderman was squatting and holding up his clenched fists like he was pooping out little Thai kids (because it was a slide). At second, third, and fourth glance. That is exactly what it looked like. |
Saturday, January 3, 2015
The Perfect Plan
Every New Year's day, for as long as I can remember, has been supremely about firsts. The first person I hugged. The first thing I ate. The first TV show I watched. The first person I texted. But after that day, all those firsts are lost in the non-first memories I make over the year. That day of firsts becomes completely irrelevant compared to the lessons I learn and the challenges I face over the course of what is, for the next 365 days, technically a new year. And so now in this new year, I reflect on the most important things that happened to me in 2014, partly because I can't remember who the first person I texted was in 2014, but mostly because I don't really care.
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I spent my first month of 2014 in the resort town of Mammoth Lakes, California. In fact, I don't even remember what I did for New Years while I was there, probably because the memory of that time vastly overshadows that one day. I was living in a broken home. Not broken by divorce, but broken by relationships. Tension was always high and fights were as common as checking your phone. I learned a very valuable lesson about family, and even more valuable lessons about myself. My time there ended on a worse than bad note. Things were said that could not be taken back, and I don't know about the other party, but I feel badly about how it all went down. I had been home for about a week and I was talking with my therapist about the events that occurred during the winter season, and he asked me what I should have done differently. I was taken aback. I could think of a million things other people should have done differently, but I had never stopped to think what I would have changed about my actions. To be honest, I didn't know the answer right then. But it haunted me over the next few weeks as I tried to think about how a change in me might have changed the situation.
Back then, I was still pretty shy. And I'm ashamed to say, I would often still use ignorance as an excuse. I still had residue of manipulation from past years on me, and truth was not my go to answer. There were a couple incidents where I pocketed all those traits and turned into a much better person than I was, but in the end, that person was gone. And I had withered back to my old ways and the first big event of 2014 was not a good one. By the end of my stay there, the man I thought was my friend and counselor had accused me of being an alcoholic, questioned my integrity, and judged my Christianity. Long story short, through dishonestly on both sides, secrecy, broken relationships, and tears, I left that horrible place. Geographically and emotionally.
But back to the great question! What could I have done differently? When I look back, I think that sometimes I was too hard on myself and the family I was staying with. I know that I let the line between tenant and family friend be extremely blurred. And I know that I did not stand up for what I believe is right. After a lot of reflection, I realize that I wasn't hard enough, that it was my fault that the line was blurred, and that I really needed to be more assertive. After all, it is important to stand up against wrong. I always remember this line from Megamind, that if there is evil, good will rise up against it. Now I'm not saying there was evil there, but there was wrong, and I should have stood up against it.
Since that experience, I have become much more assertive. I stand up against wrong, and I voice my opinion when I believe it is right. I also learned that in a good relationship, transparency is very important. It's easy to hide things, but you never know, the person you're hiding something from could be the only person who can help you solve it.
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According to my Journal, after I got home from Mammoth Lakes, I started working at Holiday Ham with my brother, Zach. There was a conversation I had with my brother that made me realize something. It seems so simple and stupid that I had never thought of this before, but I have to be confident in my decisions. I also have to be confident in decisions made by others for themselves. Zach and I are both adults and it's wrong of me to question or make fun of his decisions just as it is for him to do the same for me. It was weird, it was like an epiphany. It caused me to look back at my decisions. There have been a lot of big ones over the last 4 or 5 years.
And I am proud of all of them. I'm proud that I decided to take a year off college and work in St. Louis while living with my aunt and uncle. I learned valuable lessons while I was there. I'm proud that I came back to Memphis after Christmas to fight my depression head on. I learned valuable lessons through that. I'm proud that I worked through it over many months and went back to college the following fall. Another season of valuable lessons. I'm proud that I decided to drop out after that year and pursue a career teaching in Thailand. Valuable lessons learned there, too. And I am so proud that I decided to move here to Thailand. The lessons I've learned here so far have been amazing.
So don't be ashamed of your decisions, instead look for the lessons you learned that helped shape who you are today!
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I get to talk about Thailand because it was still part of 2014. I came here with about 55,000 baht. Which is about $1800. A very large group of us trained together in Hua Hin for one month and then moved to our placements around the country. I left Hua Hin with about 11,000 baht. Which is not that much. I blew through that money during training and I was going to have to pay for it here in Phuket. And I did! Money problems were always at the top of my issues. I was working part time, which pays much less than salary, but the worst part was there were so many holidays in November and December that I was only making around 16,000 baht a month. This is a perfectly acceptable salary for a Thai, but for a westerner in a vacation city, definitely not. There were numerous times where I didn't think I would be able to make it.
But I have a God who always provides. Here is an expert from a Facebook message I sent to my parents just a few days ago.
It never ceases to amaze me how God has provided for me over and over again since I've been here. With stuff as big as [finding ways around money problems] to small stuff like keeping the big rain clouds off my path when I have to drive to Phuket Town on Saturdays and its raining everywhere else. I've never really been in a situation where I've had no choice but to rely on God. And in the past, I've known that I can and should rely on God, but temporary security comes in many formers in your comfort zone, and being so far from it now, those temporary securities have faded, leaving only the one true security. I've never had doubts that God is real, but I feel as though He is truly showing himself to me while I'm here. And I think its a loving slap in the face to make me realize that there truly is only one security, one insurance that provides full coverage in any and every situation. I keep telling myself that while I'm here, even when I have everything I need, that the Lord will provide. He's provided for me thus far, so why would he stop when it gets worse? ...The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!
I truly hope this shows you, reader, how amazing God is. How amazing it is that He uses the strangest, most random things and people to provide for you. Usually, we don't even notice because were so deep into our comfort zones. But He's there, and He's working for you. I've always known God has a plan for me, but it wasn't until Thailand that I realized that His plan for me is perfect.
.......................................................................................................................................................................
So now here we are again, at the beginning of another year--reminiscing about the past and wondering about the future. One of my favorite characters from the show Friends, Phoebe, says in one episode, "you're not mad about the...Louisiana purchase, are you? No! Because it's in the past!" It's a nice reminder that the past is just that, past. It's fun to remember, but its dangerous to reconsider. And the future... we have no idea. We make plans, but do our plans ever pan out exactly how we think they will? Not really. Does God's? Always. I say let 2015 be the year of trusting God's plan. Of course it's still good to plan ahead and make plans, but just remember that whatever does happen to you this year, it's all part of God's PERFECT plan to present you with challenges and teach you lessons. And no matter what happens, He will always be there to provide what he knows you need.
...................................................................................................................................................................
I spent my first month of 2014 in the resort town of Mammoth Lakes, California. In fact, I don't even remember what I did for New Years while I was there, probably because the memory of that time vastly overshadows that one day. I was living in a broken home. Not broken by divorce, but broken by relationships. Tension was always high and fights were as common as checking your phone. I learned a very valuable lesson about family, and even more valuable lessons about myself. My time there ended on a worse than bad note. Things were said that could not be taken back, and I don't know about the other party, but I feel badly about how it all went down. I had been home for about a week and I was talking with my therapist about the events that occurred during the winter season, and he asked me what I should have done differently. I was taken aback. I could think of a million things other people should have done differently, but I had never stopped to think what I would have changed about my actions. To be honest, I didn't know the answer right then. But it haunted me over the next few weeks as I tried to think about how a change in me might have changed the situation.
Back then, I was still pretty shy. And I'm ashamed to say, I would often still use ignorance as an excuse. I still had residue of manipulation from past years on me, and truth was not my go to answer. There were a couple incidents where I pocketed all those traits and turned into a much better person than I was, but in the end, that person was gone. And I had withered back to my old ways and the first big event of 2014 was not a good one. By the end of my stay there, the man I thought was my friend and counselor had accused me of being an alcoholic, questioned my integrity, and judged my Christianity. Long story short, through dishonestly on both sides, secrecy, broken relationships, and tears, I left that horrible place. Geographically and emotionally.
But back to the great question! What could I have done differently? When I look back, I think that sometimes I was too hard on myself and the family I was staying with. I know that I let the line between tenant and family friend be extremely blurred. And I know that I did not stand up for what I believe is right. After a lot of reflection, I realize that I wasn't hard enough, that it was my fault that the line was blurred, and that I really needed to be more assertive. After all, it is important to stand up against wrong. I always remember this line from Megamind, that if there is evil, good will rise up against it. Now I'm not saying there was evil there, but there was wrong, and I should have stood up against it.
Since that experience, I have become much more assertive. I stand up against wrong, and I voice my opinion when I believe it is right. I also learned that in a good relationship, transparency is very important. It's easy to hide things, but you never know, the person you're hiding something from could be the only person who can help you solve it.
.....................................................................................................................................................................
According to my Journal, after I got home from Mammoth Lakes, I started working at Holiday Ham with my brother, Zach. There was a conversation I had with my brother that made me realize something. It seems so simple and stupid that I had never thought of this before, but I have to be confident in my decisions. I also have to be confident in decisions made by others for themselves. Zach and I are both adults and it's wrong of me to question or make fun of his decisions just as it is for him to do the same for me. It was weird, it was like an epiphany. It caused me to look back at my decisions. There have been a lot of big ones over the last 4 or 5 years.
And I am proud of all of them. I'm proud that I decided to take a year off college and work in St. Louis while living with my aunt and uncle. I learned valuable lessons while I was there. I'm proud that I came back to Memphis after Christmas to fight my depression head on. I learned valuable lessons through that. I'm proud that I worked through it over many months and went back to college the following fall. Another season of valuable lessons. I'm proud that I decided to drop out after that year and pursue a career teaching in Thailand. Valuable lessons learned there, too. And I am so proud that I decided to move here to Thailand. The lessons I've learned here so far have been amazing.
So don't be ashamed of your decisions, instead look for the lessons you learned that helped shape who you are today!
......................................................................................................................................................................
I get to talk about Thailand because it was still part of 2014. I came here with about 55,000 baht. Which is about $1800. A very large group of us trained together in Hua Hin for one month and then moved to our placements around the country. I left Hua Hin with about 11,000 baht. Which is not that much. I blew through that money during training and I was going to have to pay for it here in Phuket. And I did! Money problems were always at the top of my issues. I was working part time, which pays much less than salary, but the worst part was there were so many holidays in November and December that I was only making around 16,000 baht a month. This is a perfectly acceptable salary for a Thai, but for a westerner in a vacation city, definitely not. There were numerous times where I didn't think I would be able to make it.
But I have a God who always provides. Here is an expert from a Facebook message I sent to my parents just a few days ago.
It never ceases to amaze me how God has provided for me over and over again since I've been here. With stuff as big as [finding ways around money problems] to small stuff like keeping the big rain clouds off my path when I have to drive to Phuket Town on Saturdays and its raining everywhere else. I've never really been in a situation where I've had no choice but to rely on God. And in the past, I've known that I can and should rely on God, but temporary security comes in many formers in your comfort zone, and being so far from it now, those temporary securities have faded, leaving only the one true security. I've never had doubts that God is real, but I feel as though He is truly showing himself to me while I'm here. And I think its a loving slap in the face to make me realize that there truly is only one security, one insurance that provides full coverage in any and every situation. I keep telling myself that while I'm here, even when I have everything I need, that the Lord will provide. He's provided for me thus far, so why would he stop when it gets worse? ...The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!
I truly hope this shows you, reader, how amazing God is. How amazing it is that He uses the strangest, most random things and people to provide for you. Usually, we don't even notice because were so deep into our comfort zones. But He's there, and He's working for you. I've always known God has a plan for me, but it wasn't until Thailand that I realized that His plan for me is perfect.
.......................................................................................................................................................................
So now here we are again, at the beginning of another year--reminiscing about the past and wondering about the future. One of my favorite characters from the show Friends, Phoebe, says in one episode, "you're not mad about the...Louisiana purchase, are you? No! Because it's in the past!" It's a nice reminder that the past is just that, past. It's fun to remember, but its dangerous to reconsider. And the future... we have no idea. We make plans, but do our plans ever pan out exactly how we think they will? Not really. Does God's? Always. I say let 2015 be the year of trusting God's plan. Of course it's still good to plan ahead and make plans, but just remember that whatever does happen to you this year, it's all part of God's PERFECT plan to present you with challenges and teach you lessons. And no matter what happens, He will always be there to provide what he knows you need.
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