25, Ready or Not

Like many humans, I enjoy the number of candles on my cake less and less as they grow more numerous. But it always makes me feel better to look backwards and recall what I have done before I look forwards and see what I haven't done. This year, in particular, has been especially productive. Tonight, on the eve of my 25th birthday, I took a walk with my Chinese family in the park across the river from where we live. They were all running and walking and dancing and it's hard for me to think about myself when I'm with them so I wandered off while they did their thing so I could really focus on my 24th year.

Man, what an accomplishment! In just one year, I moved from the safe, homey environment of 901 to a new, completely different in almost every way, third world country to LIVE for what I thought would be at least a year. I got in numerous motorbike crashes and even got to live in an extremely popular tourist destination. Things happened that I never in a thousand years would have imagined happening. God taught me things so valuable, I can't imagine going through the rest of my life without knowing them. He also saved my life, and my faith, on more than one occasion.

After 6 months in Thailand, the unthinkable happened. God moved me out of southeast Asia and into the America of Asia: China. At first it seemed like such a big and scary place to travel to. Even my first few hours in Shanghai were stressful and confusing. But today as I went out to the supermarket to get some Gatorade and walked back and nodded to my doorman as he let me in, it was weird because it felt...normal. Taking Jonathan to school at 7:30 every morning feels normal. Eating rice for every meal feels normal. Even secretly drinking water during meals so the boys don't see me and want to copy me feels normal.

I know how to get around this small city of 4 million and it feels weirdly normal. It's strange when I see other foreigners walking down the street and I think to myself, "what the heck are they doing here? This is my city! I'm the resident foreigner here..." Maybe that's what the locals think when they see me? Either way, I feel like a local. Every night before I go to bed I look out my 23rd story window at an extremely small portion of this gargantuan city and marvel at the huge blessing it is to be where I am right now. I even went to the grocery store today and I only bought one imported food, peanut butter. But that doesn't even count for me because I always need that. Cheese has become nothing but an afterthought. Chicken is the favorite food of the past. And all fast food has been purged from my mind.

I will say that 24 will be a hard age to top, but I know there are just as many lessons, challenges, victories, and failures in the next one. I have a plan B for Ben part 25, I'm letting God do plan A; even though He hasn't told me what it entails, I trust it implicitly. And I'm even more excited to find out little by little what He will do with me, for me, and through me. In my heart, I'm always ready to age up another year. It's my brain that has to catch up.

A Happy Story

Recently I've been calling my Dad a lot to help me solve the complicated problems that often arise from working in the position I'm currently in. And he told me it sounded like I was getting more unhappy with my job every time I called. And yes, there are times when I'm unhappy, but there are also times when I'm extremely happy. Then I remembered what the Rockmont Camp director Dan told us all the time over my summer in North Carolina: write a happy story. He would always tell us that we are writing our own story, so don't make it a sad story, make it a happy one. So this post will be a happy one.

This is really materialistic, but it's still happy so here it goes. This job doesn't pay very much at all, but the perks are through the roof. Still, it's nice to have opportunities to earn extra money doing something you like. My boss, Joanna, owns all the English First schools in the city, and when any of the schools is short on teachers she always asks me if I would fill in. I've taught a summer course for $15 an hour and then did a summer camp where I made $1000 for teaching English (easy) for 3 hours a day, 6 days a week, for 2 weeks (super easy). That's almost $28 an hour! (Another side note, you get paid pretty well to teach English here.) The other perk...I never have to pay for anything. As part of my au pair contract, the host family pays for literally everything except things I buy when I go out by myself. So that's Starbucks a couple times a week. Like I've said before, it's really weird to be making money, but not having to spend any of it. I think it's a great lesson for me for saving money because I wasn't very good at that before.

I read an article once that said women want to be cherished and men want to be needed. I agree with that wholeheartedly because I know from experience that it is very true. I didn't have to read an article to tell me this, but I love English. I'm weird and I love grammar and spelling and all that other English stuff. So when Jonathan or even Joanna ask me questions about my language, it just feels really great! It's fun to be the resident English instructor for a whole family.

And on the note of languages, I've already learned more Chinese than I ever thought, and it's still less Chinese than a first year Chinese student could speak. But I'm very happy with my progress and my knowledge of very random, everyday Chinese phrases. I would tell you what they are but pinyin is hard for this reason: the pronunciations you learned and have used for ever and ever don't apply in pinyin. For instance, wu shi in English would be pronounced like woo shee, but in pinyin, it's pronounced like www shrrr. Plus the tone marks make things infinitely more complicated. Every Chinese class I feel lost, but my teacher is very encouraging and every "good job!" makes a huge difference.

My favorite thing about living with a family is that I get to be around a family again! I've always been extremely close to my family and being away from the family setting in Thailand was really hard for me. And even though I'm not back with them now, being around a family makes me more happy than being by myself. If it's just sitting with one boy in my lap and another asleep on my shoulder while we watch a movie, or all of us (and I do mean all, grandparents and everyone) going "outside" for dinner, families make me happy.

Those are my happy stories. Now, reader, I will encourage you to write a happy story for yourself. I know when I journal or call my parents, I write a sad story. But do you really want to look back and read or remember sad stories? Not really besides they may have taught you a valuable lesson. Anyways, the point is to stop moping around feeling sorry for yourself and your sad stories. Instead focus on what is making you happy, because just like sadness, happiness feeds on happiness. Everyone has a reason to be happy. Share your reasons.

Dad?

I knew I wanted to write this post the second day we were in Bali this week. As you probably know, I'm an au pair primarily for a 7 year old Chinese boy named Jonathan, and the family (Joanna, Jonathan, Matthew, all 4 grandparents, and I) took a little vacation in Bali for a few days this past weekend and the better part of this week. Travel was gruesome, but everything was much easier when we arrived. And even though it was a "vacation," I've learned to reflect back on every trip and figure out what I've learned in that particular experience. This trip taught me something I think, as Christians, we know deep in our hearts, but we often burry it down there and forget to remember it.

Jonathan isn't bipolar in the medical sense, but he does go back and forth on whether he "likes" me or not. I am usually liked when he has what he wants and is in a good mood. But if he's just woken up or I ask him to follow a rule, his response is literally, "I don't like you!" My responses range from, "I don't believe you" to "Well, I still like you." Anyways, on this trip there were a larger number of disliking moments than liking ones, and he seemed angrier than usual. Like I've said before, I don't like not knowing. So when he would tell me he didn't like me in the morning after I'd only seen him for maybe 2 minutes, I would always ask why so I could maybe change what I was doing so I wouldn't displease him so much so soon. I never got a response so I just moved on.

But after a while, I started paying attention a little more closely. We were also travelling Joanna's college friend and her husband and their daughter. I noticed that Jonathan was playing father-son with this guy and that's when it hit me. Jonathan isn't angry with me because I'm doing something wrong, he's angry because I'm not his dad. Max, Jonathan's dad and an extremely hard worker, travels almost constantly for work and is rarely home. So it all began to make sense to me. And although now I knew why Jonathan was acting this way, I didn't feel better because I knew.

The more I thought about it, the more sorry I felt for these two young boys who earnestly wanted a father figure. Then I reflected on my own life and how, despite my own father's many good qualities, he was in no way the father I needed. I thought of the many times I yearned for a perfect father, but I already had one. God is our perfect father. Just like what Paul says in 1 Corinthians about love, so is our heavenly father. God is patient and kind; God does not envy or boast; God is not arrogant or rude. God does not insist on his own way; God is not irritable or resentful; God does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. God bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. God never ends.

I love Todd Erickson. He is wise, diligent, brave, reliable, and caring, among other things. But he is not perfect. He is not the father the deepest parts of my soul long for. And just as we have our respective idols in our lives, I believe we have our 'fathers' as well. We have things we look up to for guidance and wisdom, approval and love. But these fathers cannot possibly live up to our true Father, and I know I often forget that.

One of my favorite lines of the Batman series is when Gordon says Batman isn't the hero Gotham needs, but he's the one it deserves. In the case of God our Father, it's the other way around. God is not the father we deserve, but He's the father we need. So my challenge to you this time is to look for wisdom, guidance, approval, and love from your true and perfect Father, instead of your worldly 'fathers.' And remember that whatever the situation, His very being is love and grace, and that is sufficient for you.

Don't Forget Who Put You Here

I've been reflecting over my time in Asia lately and while it's been an interesting and exciting journey, the vast number of different struggles is what makes the last 9 months an experience.

When I was in Thailand with very little money, it was easy to rely on God because it was the only way. Everything I had was precious, down to the last penny. Well, whatever version of the penny I was using. Anything extra was always saved and luxury could not and would not be afforded. Things were tight. The tightest of them being my Savior and me. We were like best friends, always talking and spending time together. God was my luxury. He always made me feel safe and protected when I thought I needed it, and even when I didn't think I needed it. Look at all the posts from before April and you'll see. God gives great unsolicited help. That's part of what makes him not just God, but a good God.

My Chinese family and I were watching "Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe" last week. One of my favorite lines from the movie is at the end when Lucy is talking to Tumnus and she asked if Aslan was tame. Tumnus said, "No, but he's good." Disappointingly, that's not how the book worded it. The book uses the word "safe." And I like that much better. God is not safe. He is powerful to the most extreme. Don't you know what should have happened to us had it not been for Jesus' sacrifice? In the book, Edmund is suppose to die on the stone table, but Aslan takes his place. Even watching it in the movie made me tear up a little because I, like Edmund, know what my sins are. And what's even harder and more embarrassing is that God knows what my sins are, but he loved my enough to put himself in that awful spot to save me, to save us.

Speaking of being in China, it's almost 100% the complete opposite of living in Thailand. Everything is expendable, we throw money at every problem. We have so much extra and everything is luxurious. If it's a luxury and we don't have it, we get it. We have so much that we don't need. I am part of the staff for a family of 4 that includes me, the au pair, Lee and Mr. Jiang, the drivers, and Ayi, the housekeeper. So there is literally a staff member for every member of the family. Pretty good ratio right? Wonna know what's interesting? My family has less money and we're more happy. You'd think that people would have figured that out by now. Money does not equal happiness.

In this life of luxury where I have more than I ever imagined, I've forgotten who put me here. Spoiler alert: it's that same guy who took care of me in Thailand. Only now, I often feel like I don't need Him anymore. It's not a conscious thought, but it's like ignoring a friend. We never spend time together or talk much anymore. I told my dad, someone more theologically advanced than me should write a book on how to live a God-filled life in a money-filled home. The only problem with that is that most people in a money-filled home would not want to read a book about why they're doing it wrong. Not that all wealthy people are doing it wrong--you know what I mean.

Something I try to remind myself is, one, God put me here, I didn't get here on my own. And two, God put me in this for a reason. It's not a secret reason; He put me here to glorify Him. It really is that simple. God is great at organization and He's put us all in different places and situations that best fit out gifts and abilities so we can do our best to glorify Him. MUCH easier said than done. But God listens to the prayers of those who have a lot just as much as he listens to those that have nothing.

So remember, reader, that whatever situation God has placed you, you only have one goal. So do it well.

Iceberg

HK Part 2

This Hong Kong trip started out back and forth. First, the car that picked me up from the penthouse where I now live was the most luxurious sedan Mercedes Benz I’d ever seen in my life. It was like riding in first class in a car, only much nicer. I enjoyed the quick drive to the airport and looked for where I should check in. I walked up to the desk for the economy class check-in for Xiamen Airlines. She asked where I was going and I told her, Hong Kong. She said what like 5 times. I didn’t think Hong Kong was hard to understand. But she said I had to go to a different area to check in. She mumbled some numbers and letters, which I did not understand, and went straight to the information screens. It said check-in was at H-16, so that’s where I went. But it was for business class check-in. I went up anyway. They said I wasn’t in business class. I said I know. They said to go check in at economy. I said ok where is that? She pointed somewhere so I went there. It was check-in for China Southern airlines. But whatever, I blindly trusted this woman. And she was correct. Although I don’t know why the check-in had to be such a confusing mess. I hate not knowing details.

Finally after making it through security without any problems. I saw a Starbucks and went in to get my usual…only they didn’t have any more chocolate muffins. So it wasn’t even worth it. I left to find my gate. People reading this should know, when you’re in an airport and there are moving sidewalks, they are so you can get places faster, not so you can be so extremely lazy and stand on it waiting for it to drag you 25 yards. Seriously, people, how can you be that lazy?! Anyway, I sat at my gate for a while and played some games on my phone. Then my stomach started to growl, so I went looking for those delicious cookies I got last time I was in this airport. But I couldn’t find it so I went back to Starbucks, hoping that magically some muffins had appeared. And they had! I got my yummy warm chocolate muffin and lemon tea. I almost went back for seconds, but my plane was supposed to leave in a few minutes.

But when I returned, the screen at my gate said “Delayed,” but didn’t explain why. I also hate not knowing why. And after sitting here, waiting for some information, a lady came on the PA system and said “Flight number CZ5555 from Hangzhou to Shenzhen will be delayed due to air traffic control.” I thought, well that’s a very vague reason to be delayed, she went on. “The expected departure time will be announced later.” UGH!! Not helpful at all. I hate airports at this point. I just want to know why! I’ve been angry about this ‘why’ subject this past week because the internet won’t connect to my tablet, only upstairs. It works fine downstairs, but when I go up to my room, nothing. Actually it does connect, it just says ‘limited.’ Which is even worse because I can’t know why! I understand if it’s not connected. I can fix not connected. But limited? It might as well say, ‘no connection, no reason.’

I really need to calm down. The last few days have been really stressful for me. I just found out I had to go to HK two days ago. So there was no time to really plan or get ready enough or anything. Then, the person booking everything for me booked a youth hostel for me to stay overnight in HK. This might just be the snob in me talking, but I felt kind of offended. I mean I’m not extravagantly wealthy, but I have enough dignity to stay in at least a 3 star hotel. (No offence to people who enjoy staying in those. You are much more adventurous than I.) So with the looming trip fast approaching plus the notion of sleeping in a room with a stranger plus Jonathan being especially defiant, disrespectful, and dismissive this week, I just really wanted a margarita and some tacos. Joanna bought some Tostitos and salsa last time we went shopping and every time I eat them all I can think is how good this would go with a margarita.

My seat number on this plane is 46K. When I saw this I was very confused. I started trying to figure out if it would be a window, aisle, or middle seat. But K is so far in the alphabet. Even if it were a window seat, that would mean the aisles would go 4 3 4, and that just doesn’t make any sense. And 46^th row, that’s a big plane. But then I remembered last time I flew to HK, the very first seat was 17 or something. That also doesn’t make sense, but I don’t care what the reason is. So just while I was writing that sentence they announced my plane would be leaving in an hour and 20 minutes.

A chain smoker just sat next to me and is either reading this as I write it, or staring blankly at my screen trying to decipher English letters. And the woman sitting across from me has her legs spread so wide, you can see her undies, so I moved to the nearby Häagen-Dasz and got a small ice cream because I think its rude to sit in a restaurant and not order their food. I rarely eat healthy in airports. But airports are like a different world where IQs get lower and prices get higher.

I really don’t like that I can only post when I’m in HK or out of the country. And now, with this new visa, I’ll only be able to post every 3 months. Unless I can get a VPN, which is hard to find since the Great Firewall block all the VPN websites! I have no place to go where I can mindlessly browse other people’s events and information. But it had made me very creative in eliminating my boredom. Just the other day I was riding the elevator with my new Ayi. Let’s come back to that in a minute. Most westerners would immediately pull out their phone and look at Facebook in that type of situation, but I couldn’t. So I practiced my Chinese and told her about my family. I told her there were 5 of us and I said everyone’s name and whether they were a mama, baba, didi, or meimei. She was impressed. I knew this because she gave me no one, but TWO thumbs up!

So the new Ayi is perfect. She cleans everything every day, whereas the last Ayi was very choosy with what she cleaned. And she never cleaned my room. For this paragraph’s sake, the new Ayi will be referred to as Ayi 2.0. Ayi 2.0 smiles and has gentle conversations with people, while Ayi was either silent and angry, or yelling in Chinese with a very mean face. Ayi 2.0 laughs where Ayi would scoff. And Ayi 2.0’s cooking is ridiculously amazing. Last night we had shredded potatoes, dried beans, eggplant cooked in bean juice, roast beef, and of course, rice. And watermelon for desert. We have more watermelon in our kitchen than a watermelon farm. But I scarfed down that dinner like I hadn’t eaten in days. But I wasn’t even that hungry, it was just that good! I told Ayi 2.0, “Wǒ xihuan.” Which is Chinese for I like it! I have, however, still not started slurping my rice; and I never will! I am still a Southern gentleman. That much will never change.

I started writing a novel last week. I’ve tried this before, but it never worked out. The first time I wrote and wrote and wrote but there was never a conflict. There always has to be conflict. Then other books just didn’t develop or didn’t pan out how I wanted. But this time I did it right. I’ve spent weeks doing research on the time period (19^th century England) and having all my characters prepared right down how many sugars they like in their tea. I think this one will be the one. I know it’ll take LOTS of time and thinking, but I decided I’m prepared to give it that. I won’t give any details, but I will say it’s a murder mystery. And after all my research, I’m fairly certain none of these characters exist in real or fictional life, nor has this plot ever been written before. I haven’t even finished the first chapter, because I keep going back and re-writing and editing and changing words and adding setting.

Here’s what I did. First, I wanted a book with lots of dialog. Because whenever I’m reading, I’m almost always only interested in the dialog. I also didn’t want to write it in traditional 3^rd person omniscient. I wanted it to be present, fly on the wall type of writing, so the reader could imagine being there, seeing and hearing everything. But then I realized that took away from the setting. So I went back and added very vivid descriptions of the setting, but then it sounded weird in the present, so I went back and made it stupid 3^rd person omniscient. Oh well. Then I was reading an article on novel writing and it said that every good story has something in common: a fool. Someone who provides comic relief and a little humor to the story. I didn’t have one, so I went back and wrote one in. And it turns out, I like him even more than the main character. Oh, another thing my past novels had was backstory. But you’re not supposed to give a back story! Apparently it’s better to weave it into the characters’ present. So I made sure not to give any back story, even though that is always a vital part of the big picture. But I guess it is more fun for the reader to figure it out themselves. Plus it gives everyone an air of mystery, and I always like reading characters like that myself. So it’s pretty much a mystery where the reader tries to solve it before the detective in the story. I like that idea, so others are bound to as well.

Not that I’ve given you a detailed background on my novel that will come out in probably 5-10 years, I have a plane to catch to Shenzhen. And then I’m taking a boat to HK. My travel agent says it’s more convenient. We’ll see.

Well the flight was annoyingly longer than it was supposed to be. But they played “Mortdecai” on the flight, which is my favorite 2015 movie so far. It was cut short because we began our ‘landing’ about 45 minutes before we actually touched town. The airport in Shenzhen is really cool looking, you’ll have to look it up because my phone died before I could take pictures. My phone does this really annoying thing where it turns itself on while it’s in my bag or my pocket and just stays on, draining battery power, while I continue to not use it. I followed the long path of moving sidewalks to the domestic arrivals and found a desk that sells tickets for the ferry to Hong Kong. It was twice as much as my agent woman told me, but I expected that so I brought extra money. So now I’m sitting on the bus wondering what it’s like to ride a ferry from one city to another. I’ve never done that before.

I am thankful that it’s not a double flight. I did say before I was tired of flying and would like to eventually take a boat. I hope it lives up to my expectations. Speaking of which, when I imagined it on the plane I thought of myself sitting at a bar table by a window sipping some whiskey while the wind blew through the window and into my hair. That’s probably a very poor assessment because I’m sure it will be nothing like that. But I like to dream of luxury before I arrive at my shared room with some frumpy twin mattress and under washed sheets. I’m anxious to see how the boat and the crap hole hostel turns out. Maybe it won’t be a crap hole! Of course, I can always dream…

I’m on the ferry right now. Me and one other lady and like 5 staff but there are probably 200 something seats on this boat. And I may not be sitting at a table drinking whisky, but I am sitting in a comfy enough chair while I watch the Chinese coastline and drink some cabernet sauvignon. It’s pretty much like I have the boat to myself. It’s supposed to take an hour, but I’m ok with that. I’m just ready to get there and get settled.

Oh yeah, while I was waiting for the ferry, I booked an actual hotel room. Don’t worry, I’m totally prepared to pay the $12 for not showing up at the youth hostel. Small price to pay for my honor. The hotel I found is actually much closer to the airport and is pretty cheap for such a nice hotel. I got a great deal, too. I now feel a lot better about this trip. See how something so small can make such a big difference? And see how something so small can make such a big difference. You’re supposed to read the first one with excitement and the second one with kind of an annoyed tone. Go back and read it again like I said.

You know how they say your right brain is more creative and your left brain is more logical? I feel like the two sides of my brain have been fighting a lot. So I thought it would be a good tie breaker to put them up against each other in a friendly game of chess. It was interesting because my right brain, which controls my left side, always won, even when I switched so the white pieces were on the right and black was on the left. Plus it seemed a little racist to let white win all the time. Conclusively, my logical side won every time. We’re about to dock so I gotta go.

Well I found the hotel. It’s like a local Holiday Inn style hotel. Honk Kong is big. But its more tall than wide. All the buildings are so tall and skinny. I felt like I was in another world, which I kind of am. My tablet died shortly after I arrived, and HK outlets are different from China and I wasn’t prepared. But after snooping around after I watched some TV, I found a converter! Otherwise you would have never known what happened on this trip, or even that this trip existed! I wish I could stay a little longer and explore, but I have to be back at the airport mid-morning. I have to say, I don’t like flying around for a day and a half just to get a stamp on my passport. It feels like a waste of time. Even though I know it’s necessary.

My au pair agency that I work with has finally got up and running now! And they have a lot of families signed up that need au pairs. And since I am the first au pair in the city of Hangzhou, I am obligated to give the details and recruit! So if you or someone you know wants to spend 6-12 months in a beautiful, (I’m not just saying that. The people of China, that’s like millions and millions of people, say that Hangzhou is like heaven on Earth. Actually the saying is ‘There is heaven in the sky, and heaven in Hangzhou.’) vastly cultural and diverse city while also getting to know literally the cutest little boys and girls I’ve ever seen besides my cousins, come to Hangzhou! Every single little detail is planned out and paid for. All your food and travel expenses and even top of the line Chinese lessons. The only thing I’ve paid for since I got here is all the Starbucks I get. It’s a great time to be yourself and have the opportunity to influence the future aristocrats of China. And let’s face it, it’s just a fun job! So if you’re looking for something to do besides college for a year, or you finished college and you don’t know what you want to do with your life yet, come do this. I’d say it’s rewarding like teaching but less stressful because you only have one or two kids. I can’t even describe the amazing feeling I get when my boys copy something good that I do, from having a napkin in your lap while you eat to saying thank you to a waitress. It’s like getting to experience a tiny piece of parenting, and it’s also probably really good practice for being a parent. So if you’re interested, or you know someone who is, tell yourself or that person to email me for more details at berickson4124@outlook.com.

I think this is long enough, so until September…

A TON happened today but I just got to my gate in time to post this and then board, but its a crazy story! So I named this post "Iceberg" because there's so much more to the story than I actually told. Ask me about it next year.

You've Been Hong Kong'd!

So here I am in the Hangzhou airport waiting for my flight to Hong Kong. The drive here was a whole hour—this city is huge. I didn’t get any breakfast because I thought I would just get something at the airport after I checked in and went through security, but there weren’t any breakfast places. Just typing the word breakfast is making my mouth water. I was thirsty so I went to the only place that was open: China Duty Free. This is apparently code for “much more expensive than if you bought it anywhere else.” My small bottle of water was ¥20, and of course all I have are ones and hundreds.

Checking in and security was extremely fast—faster than I’ve ever seen. When I got to immigration they told me I forgot the departure card. I always forget the stupid freaking departure card. If you don’t know what this is, it’s a card with your name and your passport number and your flight number. All things the immigration officer can see on the other two things you give them: your ticket and your passport. I think it’s stupid and ridiculous. Mostly because I always forget about it. So I went and filled out the pointless card and got back in the line that had gotten much longer. Thankfully I heard the immigration officer call out, “American!” Which was obviously me. She motioned for me to come over so I got to skip the line and go through. Then right as I started approaching the security check, they opened a new line! Of course half of the first line sprinted into the other line like a bunch of crazy people. But I got in line fourth, so I was happy. The security was so easy! I think the US is paranoid about airport security, but they have the right to be.

Well I think we’ve been flying for thirty minutes. The weird thing about this plane is that there is no one sitting in the exit rows. So I asked if I could move there, but they told me it costs extra to sit there. Which explains why no one bought the tickets for those seats. It’s kind of sad when you think about it that the airline wouldn’t encourage safety by making the exit rows a normal price. What if there is an emergency? Who will be brave enough to open the exit doors? I’ve never been in a plane accident, but I’m very confident in the schematics of a plane to not have any type of flying problems. I just hope if something does happen, someone will step up and open those doors!

While I was waiting to board and visited that much-more-expensive-than-if-you-bought-it-somewhere-else. Side story—one time I was flying something, I can’t remember which airline it was—but their snack were these delicious little brown square cookies. The taste was very different and extraordinary. Anyway, I found those cookies in the store, so I bought some and I’m enjoying them on the plane right now. The only drawback is they’re individually packed so I have tons of wrappers.

One thing I do love about Asian airlines (not Asia Airlines, just general airlines in Asia) is that they serve a whole meal on every flight no matter how long it is. It’s always something foreign like Vietnamese or Indonesian food, or something like that. But hey, it’s free food! And really, who can say no to that? Speaking of which, the woman sitting next to me obviously didn’t get enough sleep because her head is bobbing all over the place. Also another thing I like about Asian airlines is that Asians are generally small, so sitting next to them is extremely easy.

For the very first time in my entire life, I went through immigration without any problems! It felt like a miracle. So I expected this grand airport to have more food choices. Of course there was McDonald’s and Starbucks, but I’ve been avoiding McDonald’s after I found out they downsized the menu. I’m not prepared to not see my favorite menu items. But I found a nice little restaurant called Ajisen Ramen and I’m sitting at the same table as an older Chinese couple because apparently that’s how they do it at this restaurant! Oh well. It’s strange here because the currency is the HK$, and its exchange rate is very close to the Yuan. So looking at a menu that says $75 for a sandwich freaked me out a little until I remembered it’s about the same in Hangzhou.

Well, I finally waited long enough to go through immigration and security. Once again, it was a breeze. But that’s just the end of that story. It began with me arriving in Hong Kong and immediately looking for which gate my next flight would be departing. Flight information in hand, I eagerly looked at the departures board for my flight. Problem: it wasn’t there. So I hopefully thought maybe it would be on a different departure board, but alas, it was not. Then I thought maybe it wouldn’t show up until later in the afternoon. So I found a nice spot to relax and enjoy Facebook for a couple hours. A woman sitting across from me even offered me a teaching job. I told her I already had a job and she gave me her card. Which was a postcard with her phone number on it. It was an odd experience to say the least. I went back up to the board to look, and it still wasn’t there! So I caved and asked an airport person where to check in and fortunately, she was a check in employee of the very airline I was taking! She took me to an empty desk and checked me in right away. As I walked to security, I noticed a very, very long line and it was for, yep, the same airline as me. I had just skipped waiting in line for probably 45 minutes.

At first, I thought the airport was rather simple, with only a few restaurants and shops. But after I went through security, it was like entering a massive mall! Stores and restaurants were everywhere! Bvlgari! Gucci! Rolex! Prada! Dior! Even expensive name brands I hadn’t even heard of! And this is just what I can see from where I’m sitting. Needless to say, this is the most packed and well-dressed with stores airport I have ever been in.

After being in awe for a couple minutes, I found a Starbucks and waited in line for a good 20 minutes to get some coffee before the next flight. While I was in line a huge clap of thunder echoed throughout the airport. Everyone was silent. It was very weird. Everyone was mostly ok. The other strange thing about this airport is I see Chinese looking people everywhere, but some of them most definitely speak American. That would be English with American slang. I even waited in the immigration line behind a ginger! I hadn’t seen one of those in a while.

So now I wait for the airport to announce which gate where my plane will arrive. This makes me nervous because there are over 500 gates in this airport and I have no idea even of which general area it will be. But it is delayed 50 minutes so that’s a bummer. This trip was much less exciting than my others, and I am totally fine with that because there were no complications! That’s a first for my trips in Asia. Part of me hopes this is just a one-time thing, because it’s been so easy! But part of me wishes it would have been more complicated, because that’s always more exciting and educational. So instead of saying, “better luck next time,” I say, worse luck next time!

China: First Ten Days

Ah page one. One thing I love about my journal or my computer or most notepads is that I can always count on there being an empty page. It is my canvas. Although I can’t fit 1000 words on one page, I can certainly paint a picture with 1000 words. Writers are always depicted as staring at their blank page in horror, stuck with writers block and no ideas. But whenever I see a blank page, I see an opportunity to make something great, something that no one has ever created before, something new. And to me, new has always meant exciting. But exciting does not always mean good.



I didn't take this beautiful picture, but I did stand in this
 exact spot and take a similar picture in the rain.

I have been in China for 10 days now, although it seems like, no, it has seemed like 10 days. I arrived early on a Friday morning in yet another brand new city. I had my two bags and 50 yuan, which is about $8. I had very vague directions on how to get to the Shanghai Zoo via subway. But most importantly, I had my adventurous spirit—something that has shaped my way of thinking in more than one way during this oversees adventure to inspiring Asia.

After I exchanged my Cambodian Riel for the yuans, I headed in the direction of nowhere, looking for this subway. I found it, bought my little ticket, and tried to find something resembling a map that could tell me where this zoo was. Now, China is different from other southeastern Asian countries in that no one here really needs to speak English, so not many of them do. Like in the United States, we don’t rely on our knowledge of other languages to help us speak to tourists because tourists rely on their knowledge of English to speak to us. (It’s ok, I would have had to reread that sentence too.) So it kind of is in China, well at least in Shanghai, that people don’t speak English because there isn’t a raging tourist business. This is not helpful for the English speaking foreigner, but I’ve braved other foreign cities and I’ve done just fine. The details are very boring, but I made it to the zoo without having to go backwards at all! I did have to get off a couple times to make sure I was going the right way, but I was proud that I had made it essentially across the entire city of Shanghai on my own. I wish I could have seen it, but I was underground the whole time.

So, mission accomplished, I made it to the zoo! Not really though, because I had to contact my contact in Shanghai, and to do that I needed that thing that makes our worlds go ‘round, wifi! That is not an easy thing to find for free in Shanghai, so I literally wondered around the zoo area with my bags in one hand and my phone in the other, desperately looking for wifi so I could message this woman, named Jane. I enjoyed walking though, first, because the weather was so nice! It was cloudy but not raining, and there was a light breeze so I was almost a bit chilly. Another thing I immediately noticed was how clean the streets were! Of course, compared to the US, the streets are dirty, but compared to Thailand and Cambodia, it spotless. I really enjoyed that unnecessarily long walk.

Suddenly, I found something very settling and familiar: FamilyMart. It just felt good to see one of those again after leaving Thailand. And believe it or not, that’s where I found my wifi. So I called Jane on this app she told me to get that apparently everyone in China uses. I tried to explain where I was and she told me to meet her back at the zoo. So bags in hand, I headed for the zoo when oddly enough, I heard my name. Very confused, I turned around and saw a woman standing at the bank I had just passes wearing a black and white polka dot blouse with jeans and a green vest and sunglasses. Even after seeing this person, I was utterly confused because I had never seen her before and she knew who I was. So I started quickly searching my mind to see if I knew of anyone who would be in Shanghai…nothing. Finally she took her sunglasses off and it was, in fact, Jane. Relieved, I gave her a hug and told her how happy I was to see her after having wondered the streets of Shanghai for a good two hours. We had already been introduced on skype, so we dispensed with the pleasantries and got right to business: lunch and the hotel.

We walked about a block and we arrived at the hotel. Jane said it was the only hotel with a license to accept foreign guests and she used the word “special” to describe this establishment’s decorations. We went inside and did the usual passport exchange with the front desk and walked to the room. Her description was indeed accurate. And the words I would use to describe it wouldn’t truly do it any justice, but I will say there was a mirror over the bed and the silhouette of a girl dancing on a pole on the wall. After getting everything settled, we headed out for lunch. Jane asked me what I wanted to eat and I just blurted out McDonalds. I don’t even think I knew what I was saying. Immediately I corrected myself and asked what kinds of restaurants were around. We ended up going to a noodle place and I got some fried noodles with pork. I was so hungry though I think I would have eaten anything. It was either delicious because I was starving, or because it was actually delicious. I think that’s the only time in my adult life I ate so sloppily I got food all over my shirt. Jane had to leave before I finished for a meeting, so partly embarrassed by my shirt, and partly from exhaustion, I trekked back to the hotel for a long post travel nap. (I would just like to point out that ‘nap’ is the 999^th word in this post, so I almost painted the picture of day 1 in 1000 words, and it did take longer than one Microsoft Word page.)

I woke from my very peaceful nap in the high class brothel with mirrors over my bed at around 4pm. Rested and happy, I prepared for my evening with Jane. We were going out to dinner and then she was taking me to her favorite bar run by a Californian. We ate at what looked like a really nice restaurant to me, and we ordered a bunch of food and just picked what we liked. I like that style of ordering at a restaurant, but if there’s a lot of people, it becomes crowded and messy. My favorite was the fried pork dumplings dipped in vinegar. I thought it sounded strange too, but it was the perfect complement to the moist, but slightly crunchy dumplings.

SIDEBAR: When I was in Cambodia, I got my Netflix working and I solely watched cooking shows. One thing I picked up from one of them was the challenge to describe food without using words like delicious, yummy, amazing, fantastic, and other words like that. Top chefs from around the world told me through Netflix that those words do not describe the taste of food and should not be used! So I challenge you to describe foods you eat without using those words. It’s a lot harder than you think sometimes!

Anyway, back to the story. We finished dinner and headed to “The 60’s Bar.” I really wanted a dirty vodka martini, but they had no idea what that was so I just got a margarita. And here’s a picture of me taking a sip and looking like it tastes very strange. Photo cred to Jane. And then I went back to the fancy hotel for some more sleep. The next morning Jane and I got breakfast and headed to the train station, which is conveniently located next to the airport, and looks almost exactly like an airport. It was also even more crowded than an airport. So we waited in line and got my ticket and some free water and said our goodbyes. I feel like people are always leaving me places with little direction. But it’s ok because it’s always an adventure.

So I waited for my train with all my luggage, a little confused as to why I hadn’t checked it anywhere, but I found out later that’s not necessary because the train is lightning fast! I think the fastest we were going was 150mph. It showed the speed on a ticker at the front of the car, but it was in kph so I had to convert it. What would have taken a two hour drive took us 30 minutes to the small town outside of Hangzhou called (I can’t remember the name). When I got off the train and walked out of the station, Jonathan and Joanna were standing there holding a sign with my name on it. Jonathan ran up and hugged me and I knew immediately that this was going to work out.

We went back to the car and drove to Joanna’s brother-in-law’s house in a smallish town 30 minutes outside the city. The house looked regular, but the inside was spectacular! Huge glass chandeliers hanging from the tiered ceilings, exquisite marble floors, and…a piano! I was so happy I could have cried. I had told Joanna before that I played piano, but that I hadn’t even seen one in 7 months. I sat down on the velvet bench and my fingers just went. All the songs I had ever learned, and some that I even forgot, came back to me and it was like I had never stopped playing. That may have been that happiest I’d been in a long, long time. I don’t even remember anything else that happened that day.

That’s a lie because I actually do remember dinner. I was told earlier that day that we’d be eating outside, and I thought, great! It’s such a nice day outside; that will be nice! But they meant we would be eating OUT. We went to a very fancy restaurant that was like an old hotel that had been converted into a restaurant. You booked a room that had a big table and then in the “lobby” we looked at samples of all the dishes and marked which ones we wanted. In China, it’s traditional to order a bunch of food and share it all. That way I got to try a little bit of everything! Some things were very good and others were not. I’ve gotten pretty used to sitting with a bunch of people that are not conversing in English. I’ve also gotten pretty good at knowing when they’re talking about me. Which means I also had to get good at being ok with the fact that people are talking about me right in front of me, and not in English. It’s uncomfortable at first, but you start to not care after a while. It’s a great lesson in self-esteem!

After dinner, we drove back to the house where I’d be staying. It was magnificent. The epitome of a modern mansion plus the elegance of the traditional chandeliers and marble floors made it feel modern, but homey. I was then introduced to Ayi, the maid. Ayi is Chinese for either maid, aunt, or what you would call a strange old woman. So she’s a maid called maid. All the cool people in China have an Ayi. My family had this Ayi for the last two months. And at that moment we met, I had no opinion of her, but that changed as the weeks went by. I could probably write a whole book on how to deal with your Ayi after all the encounters and situations I had been in with her even in the first ten days. Anyways, I was shown to my room that had a nice big closet and a floor to ceiling window that covered a whole wall! I love those! I settled in a little and went downstairs to talk to Joanna and Jonathan for a bit before we went to bed.

The next week was smooth and easy. Matthew, the youngest, was still at the grandparents’ house and Jonathan and Joanna were spending the week at their apartment in the city. So it was just good quality time in the giant house with Ayi. My opinion of her still changes daily. It’s an emotional roller coaster. But the thing that kept me sane was my open mind. This is by far the most important thing to equip yourself with when visiting another country, whether it’s drab and disgusting or mighty and magnificent, you must have an open mind, because things are always different when you’re not at home.

Thankfully, my new family also had this open mind, and tried to accommodate as much of my own culture and daily life as I transitioned into this new environment. For example, Chinese people do not traditionally have drinks during meals, because there’s almost always soup. But as an American, I gotta have my cold drink during my meals. In my American and family culture, I grew up drinking cold milk with breakfast, water or sweat tea for lunch, and one of either of those for dinner! So the options of hot water or nothing didn’t really appeal to me. But my open mind told me to play along and just drink the hot water. Even though the only reason I would have drunken hot water in America would be nothing. I just thought, “Hey, I’m in a different country, in someone else’s house eating at their table, so the polite thing to do is just go with it!” I mean, if someone visiting from China in the US asked me for some chop sticks when we sat down for dinner, I would be a little confused. Especially if we were eating something as American as grilled chicken and mashed potatoes! So it’s always important to remember that you’re in a FIREIGN place, and they do FOREIGN things. Plus, who knows? You might enjoy potatoes cut in the shape of fries, but boiled instead of fried, and sloppily eating them with chop sticks!

The great thing about time is that you get very used to all the things you’ve been doing differently. Sometimes so much so, that it takes you a second to remember how you used to do things. But that’s all part of settling in, and it’s nice to normalize some of the non-normal habits I’ve picked up since I got here. So household habits, check! Language is still on the to-do list. I have two Chinese classes per week. On Tuesday I have grammar and structure, and Friday I have speaking. I’ve always been told that English is the hardest language to learn—then I started learning Chinese. English may have more rules and exceptions, but Chinese is much more complicated. The hardest thing for me is remembering how to position my tongue in my mouth to make the correct pronunciation, because many of the sounds are very similar. I’ve taken English, French, and Spanish, but Chinese is, by far, the most difficult. But I have a whole year to learn, so who knows how proficient I’ll be at it after a few months. Again, I have to remember to have an open mind.

So far, these ten days have been great, and I’ve enjoyed myself immensely. I’ve already learned more than I thought I would have in ten days. And I already feel like I’m part of this new family and I’m excited to see where this adventure takes all of us! And although it pains me to do so, this paragraph will only have four sentences. Now five. Now it’s a real paragraph! Sorry about that, but it’s against English writing to have a paragraph with less than five sentences.

I Might Have to Change the Name of This Blog...

It's really amazing how things change so quickly in your life. The unexpected twists and turns in the wonderful story of life have never ceased to amaze and surprise me. I feel so blessed to have all these different experiences throughout my life that continue to teach me valuable lessons in so many different areas. So, today ends the Cambodia chapter in my story. Even this short month in Phnom Penh has brought many new challenges and many new successes that I can happily add to my experience repertoire.

I found out I can get completely lost in a foreign city that doesn't speak English and successfully, although slowly, find my way home. I learned that Corgis are the most promiscuous pooch in Cambodia AND Thailand because they have the most mixes wandering the streets.  I've had multiple money issues that God has happily lent a hand in. And multiple physical issues that he has also helped me with. I guess the lesson that should be learned from all of these situations is that you HAVE to trust God. There's a very fine line between being a good steward of your possessions and resources to solve problems, and letting go of everything and letting God solve your problems. And I think that is one of the most valuable lessons I've learned in my last (almost) 7 months in southeast Asia.

But the time for southeast has ended, and the time for China has begun! During this year of the goat, I believe, I will be the private tutor of two young Chinese boys in the small town of Hangzhou. It only has 4 million people. So small. I will stay with the family and help with the boys while the parents are out at work while teaching them English, probably some cooking, and lots of compassion. I'm really looking forward to this very unique experience.

I was just thinking the other day about how in Thailand, I was making money, but things weren't free. And then in Cambodia, I wasn't making money, and things aren't free. And now in China, I will be making money AND things are free! (Because the family will pay for literally everything for me in China.) It's a weird turn of financial events and I'm thankful to say I think I've been through all the possible scenarios of income and thing.

Here's a nice picture of where I'll be living for the next year so you can all see how difficult my life will be! Its a bit blurry but isn't it beautiful!? And clean!? I'm really excited about the clean part. I think I might have to change the name of this blog...

Zach and Ellie

Apparently its National Sibling Day in the US. In Cambodia we're all gearing up for the week long holiday of Khmer New Year, where almost everyone gets the entire week off work. There isn't a single American holiday that gives us any more than like 3 days off. Unless you work in hospitality, then you never get any holidays ever. But back to this sibling thing...

A few years back when I went to college, part 1, I couldn't stand being away from my family! Missing family dinners and watching sports on Saturday while grilling the whole time was not the easiest thing to endure. I love all my family very much, but the two that I'm hardest on and most protective of are my siblings. Zach's been around for 22 years making my life more interesting. I was about to say he took the spotlight off of me when it came to getting in trouble, but that's not true.

Zach is always very careful. He respects authority in a way I can't fully understand. I hope over the years, I've hardened him a little on that subject, but he's still more obedient than I am. He always took punishment MUCH more seriously than I did. I remember during the pre-Ellie years when we were always getting in trouble together. We were literally partners in crime, and not in the fun way we usually say that. I was probably always the instigator and just dragged Zach down with me. It seemed like every Sunday on the way home from church, Zach and I would do something that upset Dad and he would inform us that we would each be getting seven swats when we got home. To Zach, this was like hearing he was about to get his leg torn off. The very thought of getting any swats was torture for him. And when the time finally came, I could hear from the guest room Zach screaming like he was actually getting his leg torn off. I've always respected his respect of authority, but I've never agreed with it. I'm just more of a rebel I guess. But he was my very first friend and I will love him forever for that.

Ellie, on the other hand, is sneaky like me. When she told Dad she was riding her bike for an hour or so, she was really riding to Subway and eating sandwiches. That's something I totally would have done, and I probably did some form of that in my high school years. One thing I love about Ellie is that even though she's my little sister and little sisters usually need protecting, she doesn't need any! She's ferocious and independent and isn't spending most of her time looking for a guy, which makes it a ton easier for Zach and me. One thing I miss about Ellie is when we would go get food and just talk. Sometimes it was a milk shake at Chickfila and sometimes it was cheese dip at Happy Mexican. Either way, I miss having that time with her every once in a while. She was my friend I could talk to about anything, and I know she would never tell anyone else. She probably has most of my secrets.

I hope I've always set at least just an example for them, whether it was good or bad, since you can learn from both. I've known them and loved them and watched them grow up for their whole lives, and unlike everyone's Facebook posts, I haven't loved every minute of it. There were times we all hated each other! Although we all have our own personal fighting styles, here's what I admire about Zach's and Ellie's.

Zach, like I said, is very careful. He only seizes power in a situation when he knows he can get it. And when he gets it, there's absolutely no way for anyone to get it back. That's annoying for me because I can get a little risky with my power moves. And when one way doesn't work, the tide shifts, and I'm at his mercy. He's smart like that.

Fights with Ellie are different because 1, she's a girl, and 2, she's the youngest. She has two people on her side that will always intervene on her behalf: Mom and Dad. It's a sneaky tactic, because no matter who started it, Ellie usually ends it, and it's Zach or me who ends up getting the "please be nice to Ellie" talk from the parents. Every time that happens I get this feeling she's somewhere listening and smiling maniacally. She always picks the winning side, which makes her a winner.

I've always wondered what it would be like if we teamed up against the parents because we outnumber them! I don't know why we never thought of that. But I love when the three of us team up. Even if just two of us are on a team, that team will probably win. Because we're all fighters, we're all smart, and we're extremely likeable. So here's to you, Zach and Ellie! May we continue to dominate the cousins, and always have each other's backs!

Dear Single Person

I've been thinking a lot about Jesus' mission this week, obviously because Easter is tomorrow. I've also been thinking a lot about how I'm getting older. One of my Cambodia friends turned 30 something this week and he's single. When I realized that, I remembered that all my grandparents AND my parents were all married by the time they were my age. In fact, they were probably closer to my brother's age when they got married. So for the briefest second, I felt unaccomplished. I mean I'm not even in a serious relationship right now. I haven't been in one for over 5 years! That made me feel more unaccomplished.

But then I started to think about my mission. Jesus' mission started when he was 30 and lasted for only 3 years. And when his mission was finished, God took him back home. His mission didn't include a wife. Neither did Paul's. That made me feel a little better. Over the past couple of years, I've come to the conclusion that I'm mostly ok with my singleness. God is in control of my life and if I don't have a partner right now, that must be part of the plan. So I'm ok with that. Plus being single has a lot of perks! I don't have to pay for dates and gifts and stuff, which is good because I really love buying things for people. It's something I've had to stop doing ever since I had to start providing for myself here in Asia. And I think that it's nice that I only have to worry about myself.

But sometimes I do something dangerous; I think about the future. When I finally understood marriage years ago, I dreamed of having a wife so that I would have someone to share this amazing journey with. Sure, single people are more wealthy, but they don't have that special person. And that's ok! I know some people who's mission hasn't included a spouse and they're doing great! I guess this post is turning into me reassuring myself that it's ok to be single. That's what all of the single people say probably. At the meetings we raise our right hands and say, "it's ok to be single!"

One of my favorite sermons was last year's Christian Life Conference when Barton Kimbro spoke about singleness. But I still struggle to be ok with it. When I look at the big picture I literally and truly am ok with it. But when I think about myself this time next year, I ponder in dismay about whether it will be another single year. Single year number 6! All my friends back home are getting married. One guy I knew from college who's Zach's age is having a baby! Don't even get me started on that!

In preparation for this single post, I gathered the 4 most important books in my life, the Bible (duh) and my three journals I've been writing in since 2002. They all have very important things to say about being single. Journal 1 (2002-2011) has stories about PDS and Lizzy Willson babysitting and riding to the Edge with Megan Warner. It's also full of stories of my ex girlfriends. It reminds me of all the good relationship lessons I've learned over the years.

Journal 2 (2011-2014) is much more comprehensive. There were 0 relationships during that time. Good thing too, because those were some of the hardest years of my life. Girlfriends would have only complicated things. You might say it's a how-to book on what not to do in your early 20s. By the time you get to Journal 3 (2014-current), its like you're reading the life of a whole new person! Calm, collected, and mature.

In 1 Corinthians, Paul says to stay single! Not typically the words single people want to hear from the Bible. He says that getting married causes you to become anxious about worldly things. He even says that he who marries does well, but he who refrains from marriage will do even better. What the heck!? Don't the single people wish Sandy would preach on that more often? This is what I think Paul means by what seems like crazy talk in the eyes of the singles. First, let's look at similarities.

• Is being married good? Apparently; I can't speak from experience.
• Is being single good? Yes!
• Does God have missions for people that include a spouse? Yes.
• Does God have missions for people that include them staying single forever? Yes.
• Do married people have many struggles? Absolutely!
• Do single people have many struggles? Of course!

But what Paul is saying here is that as a single, you can devote your full attention to pleasing God. You can stay out all night preaching and get thrown in jail like Paul did on more than one occasion. But if he had a wife, man would she be upset with him if he kept getting arrested for preaching all the time! His attention would have to be divided between pleasing his wife and pleasing God. Of course, it's absolutely not wrong to please both, but you see, singles are have much more flexibility in their missions than couples. We have a unique opportunity to devote all of ourselves to our mission! So be excited about that! There are ways we can make a difference that couples cannot!

It's a weird subject, singleness as opposed to being married. We're not used to the Bible telling us that one thing is great and the other is ok, if you want to. So this is how I try to think about it after I think too hard about it: don't focus on finding a spouse. Focus on your singleness. Because if God's plan for you includes a partner, he will provide him or her! And let me tell you, God can find a MUCH better person for you than you can. I have more friends than I can count that spend so much of their time looking for the one. But what if you spend all your life looking and never find them? What a significant waste of time that is!

Here's my metaphor. Pretend you want to read this book. Many of your friends have read it. Some of your friends are about to read it. You don't have it, but you want to get it very badly. Only one book store has this book, and they choose who gets this book and who doesn't. No one asks for the book, it's just given out. And all of this is common knowledge. Regardless, you spend a whole year doing nothing but try to get your hands on this book. But its pointless because of everything I just told you. Why would you waste a whole year trying to get something that's out of your control? That just seems stupid!

What if, instead, you just lived your life like you normally would for that year? Then the next year, suddenly, you were chosen to receive the book! That's fantastic! And guess what? You didn't have to spend any time looking for it or waiting for it! That's how I think we as Christians should approach marriage from a single standpoint. It's not something we need, but if we get it, that's great! And even if we never get it, that's still just as great, because either way, we are fulfilling God's purpose for us on earth. Just like my favorite verse Psalm 138:8 says, "the LORD will fulfill his purpose for me." Whether it's as 1, or as 2.

Off to Cambodia!

Let me start off this story by saying that even though I knew God had a plan, I am still a weak, sinful human with weak, sinful human doubts. So it’s Tuesday morning at 6:00am and I just woke up to start cleaning and packing. My van to Bangkok leaves every hour starting at 4am, but I’ve chosen the noon van because check in at my hotel is at 2pm and that gives me just enough time to get to Bangkok! To my surprise, cleaning and packing only took about 45 minutes, so I spend the rest of the day driving around reminiscing on what could be my last day in Thailand. Also, since my previous motorbike wound had almost completely healed and had already completely closed up (meaning no scabs or anything), I was especially determined not to get in a wreck. Even more determined than I usually am, which is still pretty determined. To save you the suspense, I didn’t get in another wreck. I went to my favorite restaurant and got a good last chicken fried rice for the great low price of about $1.20.

So then I got all my bags down the stairs and across the rocky driveway of my previous apartment and walked the 200 yards to the van place. I paid my 360 baht and waited for the van. It didn’t get there til around 12:20, but that’s expected in Thailand. The van looked empty from the outside, but it was full on the inside! They put my huge bag in the first row and put me next to it. I thought, “Well this is great! My own row!” We stopped 30 minutes later and picked up two more people. So now I was sitting in the half a seat with my bag on one side and a rather large man on the other. I thought the van was full, but we picked up 6 more people on our way to Bangkok. It was like a clown car in there! I tried to sleep, but it was impossible.

Finally, we arrived at the bus station in Bangkok and I finally got to stretch. Not being able to straighten my legs for 3 and a half hours is like torture for me. Oh yeah, and it took 3 and a half hours to get there, not the simple, easy 2. So I got my bags together and found a taxi to take me to the hotel. The driver didn’t speak any English so I tried to call my agent and he called someone else to translate. He got there first so I hung up. I talked to this guy on the phone and told him where I needed to go. He said 800 baht. I was a little confused. All the taxis have meters and they told us in training to never agree upon a price with a taxi driver. So I asked, what about the meter? He said, “Ok 500.” I was still confused and I asked about the meter again. He replied, “Ok 350.” At this point something amazing happened, my brain moved faster than normal and I realized that the distance I was from the hotel was certainly much more than 350 baht. So I agreed. See how the tables were turned and I ripped off the taxi driver?? I felt so accomplished. Also, this way, if the driver got lost, I didn’t have to pay for that too.

So after driving for about 30 minutes we made it to the hotel. It was way off the main road and in a much more rural part of Bangkok. The taxi dropped me off and I looked for anyone. There was no one at reception and no one else anywhere else. So I waited. Finally a lady who spoke no English started talking to me in Thai and I had no idea what she was saying. She went and got the owner or manager or whatever. She was this old Thai lady who spoke perfect English. Now that’s something you don’t normally see in Thailand. But she got everything sorted out and took me to my room.

It was small, but I expected that. I sat on the bed. It was like it was sitting on a rock. The plus side of rock hard mattresses is that you can put drinks on it and they won’t fall over! But it took me forever to fall asleep on it. I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and there was a good sized brown recluse just sitting next to the toilet. I looked at the shower and it was pretty much falling apart. A hotel critic would have had a field day at this place! The blankets at the end of the bed were damp (gross) so I used my sheets I had in my bag. Thank goodness I brought those! Finally, 3:30 came and I woke up, packed, and went down to get in my taxi. We drove around what seemed like an airport maze to get to the departure gates. I thought the airport would be empty at 4am, but it wasn’t! It was packed!

I waited in the check-in line for 30 minutes and when I finally got there, my bag weighed too much. Of course. So I went off to the side to put some of the heavier things in my carry on. And after I had struggled for minutes in front of all these people to close my carry on, my checked bag still weighed 4 kilos over the limit. I had no choice but to pay the fee, which is a ridiculous 500 baht per kilo over. So I paid 2000 baht. That was great. I still had to pay for the Cambodian visa and the hotel I had booked in Cambodia until I found a more permanent place to live.

At immigration, the officer informed me that I had overstayed my visa. I told him that’s why I’m at the airport right now leaving. He told me there was a fee. Of course. 1000 baht. I’m pretty sure the fee is less than that, but I wasn’t really in a position to argue with an immigration officer. I moped over to my gate and waited for the plane.

Oh, my ticket said seat 2A and I hadn’t paid anything extra so I thought maybe I was bumped to first class for some reason! No, this plane didn’t have first class. It was coach all the way down. The only seats that were remotely similar to first class were the front row seats and the exit row seats. Oddly enough, they were also treated like first class—they got their snacks first. It was fine though since the flight was only an hour. I had the whole row to myself and I got a huge can of coke and took a nap.

We arrived at the Phnom Penh airport. I was anxious because I only had Thai baht in my wallet and I had left my passport sized photo that I needed for my visa in my checked bag. I literally had no idea what I would do because I was arriving with many other people who were also getting a visa at the airport and I always hate being that guy who’s unprepared and holding the line up. My face lit up when I saw an ATM. I thought maybe I could eliminate one of these visa problems by getting some good old USD. But that ATM didn’t understand me, nor I it. So I was back where I started. There were a few men standing around in their uniforms so I thought maybe they could somehow help me. I went up to the first one and told showed him all my application forms and explained that I only had Thai baht and that I didn’t have a photo. (I read online that they scam people without photos and make them pay a lot of money to get them taken at the airport, so I was a little nervous about that.) He looked at my applications and asked for my money. I have him 1000 baht, or $30, and my passport and he pointed at a bench in the corner and asked me to wait.

I waited for around 3 minutes and he came back with my passport and opened it up to a page that had a huge sticker that said CAMDOBIA on it. He said, “All good!” I looked at my passport and it was a visa! The man pointed me in the direction of the passport control counter and I excitedly went off to enter the Kingdom of Cambodia! Weird how turned what was supposed to be the most nerve racking and stressful part of the trip into an easy, easy transition. He is indeed good.

With $30 in hand, I found a tuk-tuk driver to take me to the hotel that I had booked earlier. It was the same hotel that we stayed in when I was here last June, so it felt comfortable. Even on the ride there, the cool morning air sparked my memory of this place, and I felt like I was at home—somewhere where I felt comfortable. I don’t know if it was the fact that there are gas stations at every corner or that USD is a regular form of currency here, but it felt like I was back home.

I got settled at the hotel and took a walk to our favorite coffee place down the street where I got a delicious mango passion smoothie for the very regular price of $3.75. I guess cheapness stays in Thailand. After that amazingness, I thanked God for guiding my trip like I knew he would, despite my doubts, and fell into a deep, relaxing sleep for the rest of the day.

Lord of the Flies of Thailand and Other Stories

This has, without a doubt, been the longest 13 days of my life. This was suppose to be easy! Quick! But it just turned out to be another challenge to overcome. It's been a while so let me catch you up...

Last month I had to make exams for my...450 students. Thankfully, the textbook I use has a website, and that website has a final exam! So I just send the link to my boss and she sent it to the copy guy. The final test is 3 pages, front and back, so that's technically 2700 pages of test. True to Thai form, I received these tests on the day I was planning on giving them. They weren't stapled, just put in a pile for each page. For the first class, I just made the three piles of pages on my desk at the front of the classroom and told the students to come pick up one of each sheet. Explaining to them how to put them order is another story.

First I help up my copy of their exam and pointed to the big words at the top of the page that read, "PAGE 1." Then I did the same thing for PAGE 3 and PAGE 5. I held them up in order so that one could clearly see that the order was 1, 3, 5. If that wasn't enough drew a picture of a piece of paper on the board and wrote PAGE 1 where it would appear on the actual test. Then I drew another piece of paper behind that one and wrote PAGE 3, and then another with PAGE 5. So now I had appealed to all the learning types to try to explain that you must put your test in order before you turn it in. Now you might be thinking, "how does he know who the test belongs to if they have Thai names?"

After everyone got their test I got everyone's attention and told them to write their NAME, NUMBER, and CLASS on the top of their paper. The only thing I really needed was their number, because that's what's in my grade book. Then, again, I wrote that on the board on the pieces of paper I had originally drawn to explain the page order. Simple enough, right?

To my great dismay, there were students who put page 4 on top and didn't write their number anywhere. Some even stapled their whole exam out of order with no name or number at all! Sometimes I worry about the well-being of some of these children.

After a week of doing this over and over and over, I finally had all the exams. So first things first, I went through and made sure all of them were stapled. I decided I would grade page by page, instead of test by test. So that's what I did. I put on some music without lyrics so I could pay attention, I got out my answer key if I needed to look up any answers, I lounged on my bed, and graded those bad boys. Grading is not as easy as it sounds. Especially when you're splashing red pen ink all over 2700 pages of tests. Let me break it down for you so you know how amazing I am. Each student had 6 pages of fill in the blank, matching, and short answer. You could probably take this test and make a 100 in less than 5 minutes. Each class has between 35 and 40 students. I teach grades 4-6 and each grade has 4 different classes. See, its really overwhelming when you look at it like that! Its also overwhelming when you look at a giant stack of papers on your desk knowing that you have to look at every single one of them. It is a horror I would not wish on anyone.

But that finally finished and then I just had to record them and give my records to my boss. So easy and so simple. It really was. And do you know what I did after that? I threw all those tests away. Because there is no recycling in Thailand. Just garbage. As I walked to the nearest trash can with a giant handful of papers, I thought to myself that I could probably make a good sized tree with all the paper I was about to throw away. And when I looked down at it from the rim of the trash can, it looked smaller, so I felt better.

So then the school year was over!! I got to sleep in and it was magnificent! But there arose a new problem: the flies. Now my apartment is clean, for a guy's place. There aren't piles of trash lining the walls or anything. Just my pile of plastic bags from 7/11 and FamilyMart and my tiny trash can that I lined with a garbage bag. It started out with just one little fly. And I killed it because I'm a pretty great fly-killer. But then two more arose in it's place! And when I killed those two, four more appeared! It was become a problem. To myself, I blamed it on the people who live next door. Here's the story with that.

Each couple of rooms share a drainage system. Meaning our two shower and sink and toilet drains converge somewhere in between our bathrooms and flow down into oblivion. This setup means that either side can smell whatever is happening on the other side. So these smells range from Listerine to vomit to number 2, with a mixture sometimes. Air fresheners here are extremely over priced, so I reluctantly bought some incense in hopes that it would mask these questionable bathroom smells. It did, but now my apartment smells like incense. Funny how that works.

Anyway, I was at the big store the other day and I was walking down the aisle, quickly, as I always do in a store. And out of the corner of my eye I caught a row of repellants and the likes. I perused and found one that said in English, "Kill Mosquitoes and Housefly." I thought this was perfect because my house in infected with housefly. So I bought it. It smells like a lotion my mom used to wear so that was a nice surprise. (Don't worry, mom, its a flower scented spray. Your lotion doesn't smell like housefly killer spray.) This spray doesn't have great distance, so I have to get right up in their face with it. This is not an easy task because they fly around so fast! So I lay in wait until I can see them and then PPPSSSSHHHHHH!!!! I spray them! But unlike the saying on the bottle, it does not kill housefly, only shoots them down. So then I have to kill them with my hand. Which makes their deaths all the more satisfying.

Recently I have had the opportunity to consider a number of changes over here in the land of smiles. Schools in China have been contacting me for interviews and the impending doom of another visa trip was fast approaching. I'm not sure how much money I'll be making for the one week I worked in March, and I wouldn't have a job here until May. So there was a lot to think about. Should I take these jobs in China? Should I do my visa trip and come back here and try to find a summer job? Should I go to Cambodia and see my friends from World Relief?

As an introvert, I am always thinking, and sometimes I just want the thinking to stop! So I went on a drive; that usually puts my thoughts in order. (I wish I could say it clears my head, but my head never stops working.) On this drive I took a moment to be thankful. God has blessed me immensely over the past 5 months (wow!). I can't even begin to describe how vividly He has shown himself to me since I've been in Thailand. Then I thought about how little money I have and how much I needed. But as I've said before, God isn't about to stop taking care of me. In my whole life up to now, I had never been in a situation where I had to put ALL my trust in God. There's always been a backup plan or a safety net of some kind. I couldn't put my faith in my job, because my job was over. I couldn't put my faith in my money, because it was fading away. I couldn't put my faith in my stuff, because my stuff was sold months ago! There was literally only one thing I had to put my faith in.

It made me think, how much differently would we live our lives if we put all our faith in Jesus? The thing is, Jesus is the only one who can save you from an eternity separated from God. But how much do we believe that? We put so much time and energy into these other things like work or school or money, but they can't save us! It's almost foolish of us. Actually, its totally foolish of us. When we are on the brink of death, we will not be saying to ourselves, "Wow, good thing I have all that money or I don't know if I'd be going to heaven!" or "Thank goodness I made all A's in high school!" Silly things like that. In the end, it's not our mortal "stuff" that saves us, it's our faith in God.

In situations like mine, it's easy to put my faith in God because I have no other choice. But the question is, will we choose to do it even when we think we have other options? Shouldn't it be easy to trust the Creator of the Universe with anything? It's harder than you think, but the outcome is always so much better than you think. Remember, if God is for us, who (or what) can be against us?

The Close of Semester 2, 2015

Hello Reader! I wanted to take this opportunity to tell you what it's like to be a teacher in Thailand at the end of the school year.

Earlier this week, My 5-6 grade supervisor, Pui,told me that I needed to give my final exams next week. This came as a total shock and surprise because I was under the impression that I had until the second to last week of March to accomplish this. Apparently not. Every semester, I am required to have any number of grades that equals 50 points. Since my predecessor did the first semester, I only need 50 points worth of work from each of my students in 4th through 6th grade. So this week was all about final grades that weren't the final exam, but also trying to explain to my students that their final exam would be next week. I cheated and used Google translator on my laptop to tell them this.

There's no worksheets provided for me, so I just made up some exercises for my students to do for a grade this week. Now its very interesting how the turning in works. In the United States, students who do the best usually turn their work in last, but in Thailand, its the other way around. The students who actually know what they're doing turn their work in first, and the kids turn in their work last. On the plus side, this means I grade the smarter students last and it restores my faith in my students that they actually understand what we're doing.

In 4th grade, their worksheet was a series of subjects paired with actions, like "she/go shopping." The object is to write a sentence in the future, using the phrase "going to," while also correctly using subject-verb agreement. So the answer would be, "She is going to go shopping." So easy!! The smarter students get this almost instantly and turn their papers in within 10. The more distracted students take longer, but eventually turn their work in. The slower, but motivated students turn their work in about 30 minutes later. And the stupid ones turn their work in last or not at all. Half of these students have only copied, "she/go shopping,"and the other prompts without the answer. EVEN THOUGH I have explained this at least three times in front of the class AND their smart Thai friends have explained it to them in Thai. I literally don't know what to do with them. They obviously know they don't understand, but they don't come ask me or their friends to explain it. Sometimes I cringe when I write their 1/10 score on my grade sheet because I like them so much and I want them to do well, or I grin maniacally as I write their 1/10 because they deserve it because they never pay attention in class!

5th and 6th grades are a little bit better. And I mean it when I saw a little bit. Maybe two or three more students get a decent grade because only a few more of them who pay attention compared to the 4th graders. But still, there are those geniuses who think its more important to get silly puddy all over their hands than to do their work. Whenever I catch a student doing this, which is literally every class, I walk up to their desk and hold out my hand. By this time they have placed it in their desk and play stupid acting like they have no idea what I'm asking for. I stand there waiting for them to put it in my hands. and when they do, I, making sure everyone can see, throw it out the window, where it hopefully lands in some grassy dirt, meaning it can never be used again.

This week has been chocked full of trying my best to take up papers and grading them and then inputting them into my grade book that I have to turn in at the end of next week. I even enlisted some of my 6th grade students to help me grade and sort most of my papers for extra credit. I was hoping that someone my less smart students would opt in, but, alas, only the smart ones thought they needed extra credit. I was given 50 points for this semester, so I divided them into two tests worth 10 points and the final exam worth 30 points. Even though sometimes its very hard, I have to award some students with 0 points.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, the way the Thai school system works, when a student fails the midterm or final, they have one more chance to take it. If this second chance results in less than a 50/100, they automatically get half credit and therefore move on to the next grade, regardless of motivation or conviction. This is how kids move from grade to grade, and end up in my classes forevermore. They all end up graduating and either moving to esteemed universities across Thailand or to their father's vendor cart. As a teacher, I can always tell which ones will go on to be street vendors, and which ones will go on to be doctors and lawyers. Each job is respectable, but earn very different salaries. I just hope they realize at this young age which one they would be happier with.

Mother's Day Comes Twice a Year

So before you read this, you should know that I wrote this on February 7th, but because the internet at my apartment goes in and out, it's almost impossible to get a post out. But after working with my land lady on her modem, we (meaning I) figured out a way to make it work.

Today is my Mom's birthday. It's rather fitting that February is the month of love considering Valentine's Day is just around the corner. It's also rather fitting that my Mom's maiden name is love. When I think about Valentine's day this year, I, like many of you,  think about all the people I love. That's a lot of very close commas! I love a fair amount of people, but the person I love most in the world is my mother. Looking back, I recall the strongest feelings of love towards her, times like my first year of college, my hardest days at work, and especially being here in Thailand. If someone were to ask me something like, "if you had to save one person from blah blah blah destruction, who would it be?" The answer to every single question of that type would be my mom.

Whenever I imagine my family coming here to Thailand, one of the first things I think of is all of them riding a motorbike. Who would ride with whom and who would drive and stuff like that. At first, I imagined mom riding with dad. But I don't know how skilled my dad would be on a motorbike, so I came to the conclusion that she would ride with me. Because I would die if anything ever happened to her, especially on the dangerous roads of Thailand. I couldn't even imagine what I would do if she were in an accident like mine. Whenever I get really sad during a movie, my mind immediately runs to how much I love my mom. Now you might say that makes me a mamma's boy, and you're right. I absolutely, unequivocally, unconditionally love my mom.

She's my biggest cheer leader. It's quite an extraordinary thing how the words of the person you love most in the world can affect you. While her criticisms cut me down the most, her encouragements lift me higher than the clouds. Thankfully she mostly gives encouragement. =] I remember when I was little and Dad would tickle Mom and she would always scream. Not a bad scream, a laughing scream. But every time it would make me cry because I didn't like my mom in any position of pain. Even today, I really hate when my mom is unhappy. One time in college, one of my roommates had a disagreement with me. He told his mom and his mom told my mom. I was furious! My mom doesn't need that kind of drama! The same thing happened last year when I left Mammoth Lakes; the man I was staying with involved my dad and my mom! That time I was livid. I wanted to march over to his house and punch him square in the face just because he had involved my mother. The moral of this story is don't mess with my mom or you'll have to mess with me. I like how it worked out that she has taken such good care of me since I made her a mother, because now I get to transition into taking care of her.

I used to go through the list of my friends' moms to see if I would ever want to trade them for my mom. Every time I liked the idea of my mom over everyone else's mom. I did that because every time I told her she was my favorite mom, I was telling the absolute truth. I love my mom so extremely much and I'm so blessed to have Lynn Love Erickson as my mother. I miss her so much, but I know she's always praying for me and thinking about me. One of my favorite memories of her is during high school; I was going through some pretty rough stuff, mainly un-diagnosed depression. Almost every morning, I would walk down the stairs to get ready in the morning and there would be a little note on the last stair. I would open it and find a little encouraging note paired with a Bible verse, or a clipping from her morning devotion. Even if I was in a hurry and just glanced at it, or had time to sit down and soak it all in, I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that I was loved by my mom. And still today, I have never known a day where my mom didn't love me. And I hope she knows that not a day goes by when I don't think about that and how much I love her.

Happy birthday, Mom! The people I show your picture to honestly think you're in your 30's. You are absolutely my favorite mom =] Love, Ben